Rebuild of Evangelion 1: YOU ARE NOT ALONE
by Shiro Kaisen
Summary: My take on Rebuild of Evangelion. Those who don't know what Rebuild is, it's a trilogy of new movies, the first being released in Japan. This is my take. This first installment is a direct retelling of 1.0, to be continued. My debut work. Shinji's POV
1. Prologue

＊＊

I was alone. There was no one. It had been a week since I had emerged, but I was still alone.

Mother.

_Mother, you lied to me!_ I raged for the billionth time, _You told me they could return! But where the hell are they? Asuka...Misato...Ayanami...ALL GONE!_

I looked up; I was standing in frond of an erect pole of wood with a cross of bone nailed to the center. The sight made me choke. Tears welled in my eyes again.

"I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't...DAMMIT! It's all my fault. I CHOSE this. I made it this way. Even Instrumentality would have been better..."

It hurt. The pain was everywhere. The world was filled with nothing but pain and loneliness. I had finally found a place to belong, but it had all been taken away. I averted my eyes from Misato's grave, and my gaze fell upon the loathsome...thing in the distance. A pale reminder of Ayanami, like a statue in her likeness, split down the middle. The pain grew. I looked down, staring at the desolate ground.

"I can't take it anymore..."

I looked up, and gazed intently at the blood-red sea of LCL. I had learned long ago that this LCL didn't have the same properties as the LCL I remembered. Case in point: It wouldn't oxygenate my blood.

Perfectly calm, I walked to the shore of the sea. I waded out to where the water level dropped off, and I began to swim. The LCL was thick, and difficult to swim in. When I could no longer see the bottom, I stopped. I looked up. The sun hadn't been visible since Third Impact, but the moon shone brightly in the sky; the blood-red stain on its face shone brightest of all. I took a deep breath.

"Goodbye...Mother. I'm sorry."

And I plunged into the sea.

I swum down as far as I could. When I became tired, I floated peacefully. My memories flashed before me, but I felt no pain. My vision began to blur, but I felt warm. I smiled, and closed my eyes. I was at peace. I leaned back and rested. As the darkness began to envelop me, I felt a familiar touch on my shoulder.

"Ikari...kun?" 

"Aya..."

The darkness turned to light, and I knew no more. 


	2. Chaper 1: Rebirth

REBUILD OF EVANGELION: １.０ （ヱヴァンゲリヲン新劇場版）  
YOU ARE (NOT) ALONE

"We're sorry. Due to the special state of emergency, no lines are currently available. This is a recording."

"No good...I knew I shouldn't have come..."

I sighed as I replaced the phone. What was I thinking, coming here? I had decided long ago to never have anything to do with him, but somehow my feet had carried me here. And yet, it already seemed like I was being abandoned again...

I sighed again, and held up the photo I was clutching in my hand. It was of a woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties. A message was printed off to the side.

"Shinji-kun, I'll be coming to pick you up, so wait for me, OK? PS: Look here!"

An arrow was drawn from "Look here!" to her cleavage. I supposed it was supposed to be alluring; an incentive for me to show up, but I knew that wasn't why I came. I'd never really paid much attention to that sort of thing anyway.

I double-checked the address squeezed in the bottom corner of the photo, and looked up and down the street.

"I may not be able to meet her...Oh well. I'll head to the shelter."

I looked down the street one last time, and saw someone standing there. A girl. She was dressed in a traditional Japanese school uniform, but her hair was a pale blue. She had a strange, almost...angelic quality about her. She stood, unmoving. She seemed oddly familiar, but I had never seen such a girl in my life. I gasped softly, and I felt an odd pain in the back of my head. I flinched, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, the girl had vanished.

_Who...was that? She seemed..._

**BOOM.**

An explosion tore through the previously silent city. The nearby buildings shook. I raised my hands to cover my ears, and turned around towards the source of the explosion.

_...What the hell?_

Five UN hovercraft flew out from behind a nearby hill. And behind them was a bizarre creature. It was as tall as a large building, and it had a vaguely humanoid shape. Its face was white and nondescript, with no visible mouth and black eyes. In the center of its chest lay a large red sphere that looked something like a core. The ground shook every time it took a step.

I gasped. _What the hell is that?_

1.1: SAITAN (さいたん)

Whoosh

I heard something whooshing towards me. Ducking, I looked up and saw missiles speeding towards the creature. I gasped. The missiles slammed into the thing, creating a large series of explosions. I covered my ears again, and squinting, I looked up. The creature was still standing, unphased.

_Oh my god..._

A red...blade extended from the thing's arm and plunged into the nearest helicopter. With that one attack, the helicopter was utterly destroyed. The wreckage came hurtling downwards, and landed mere feet from where I was standing.

My mind was utterly blank as I saw the creature leap forward, landing on the wreckage. The impact caused me to fall backwards. I closed my eyes, and raised my hands over my head.

_Is this how it ends? Ah well._

I heard a screeching noise in front of me, and then the opening of a car door. Amid the sounds of battle and crushed steel, I heard a woman's voice.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!"

I looked up. It was her, from the picture. I stood up. I nodded, then walked around and got into her car. She immediately put the car into high gear and sped down the road, attempting to escape the chaos. I sat in a daze, looking straight down at the leather seat I was seated in, not thinking, not paying attention to what was going on around me. I could vaguely hear the explosions, but I didn't bother to look up. I'd only scare myself by looking, so it was better just to zone out. It's what I always did in frightening situations.

We finally stopped along an undisturbed road a long ways away from the battle, perhaps miles. The woman—Misato Katsuragi-san, according to the letter—pulled out a pair of binoculars, and peered at the creature in the distance. I continued to sit and stare, waiting to be given an order. She obviously saw something, because she gasped audibly.

"Woah, it can't be! They're going to use an N2 mine?"

She grabbed me from behind and shoved me onto the seat, screaming, "Get down!" For a moment, I was unsure of what was going on, then…

**BOOM.**

The largest explosion I had ever heard in my life resounded through the air. The sky was illuminated by a white-hot light, blinding me temporarily. Where the creature had stood was a pillar of what looked like fire. It was a stunning sight, and I snapped out of my trance to marvel at it, until the backlash hit. Then, an enormously powerful wind pushed the car back, and we rolled several times before grinding to a halt. When the car was fully stopped –on its side—I couldn't help but peer out the open window to view the explosion. I saw Misato had done the same.

I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the explosion until it finally died down. She and I climbed out of the car. I looked around at my surroundings. Everything was destroyed. Not a singe blade of grass remained, and craters filled the area. She turned to me.

"Are you alright?"

I was, mostly, but for the first time I noticed something strange in my mouth, like dirt. It probably ended up in there when we were rolling.

"Yes, but there's something crunchy in my mouth."

"That's fine."

She put her back against the car. I followed suit.

"Are you ready? Well, here goes!"

We pushed up against the car until it was rightly standing. It was really in a bad state, dented up all over, as well as several broken windows. She clapped the dirt from her hands and sighed.

"Thanks for your help."

I knew from experience to give the polite response, as to avoid any conflict with adults.

"Er…it was my pleasure, Katsuragi-san."

She removed her glasses to look at me directly for the first time, and smiled.

"You can call me Misato," she replied, "Nice to meet you, Shinji Ikari-kun."

_She knows my name, _I noted. _These people, his people, probably know all about me._

"Same here."

We climbed back into the car. After a few attempts, the car started and we began driving again. After a while, Misato asked me to hand her a cell phone from her glove compartment. I didn't pay much attention to the conversation; I didn't really care. I'd find out whatever she was talking about soon enough. Something about preparing a linear train. Out of the blue, she addressed me.

"Boring boy. You seem so calm, despite your cute face."

"You think so?" I replied.

"What, are you angry?" she said with a hint of sarcasm.

I scowled at her, not irritated, but simply not in the mood for talk.

"Sorry, sorry. It's only natural because you're a boy."

I decided to try my luck and be honest.

"You're childish for your age, aren't you…"

She scowled at me this time, and started sharply turning left, and then right, as if to try to piss me off. _Hit the nail on the head, I suppose…_I thought.

We drove through a dark tunnel that seemed to go underground. Eventually, we reached a dead end. At the far wall was what looked like a red emblem. A half of a leaf overlapped with the capital letters "NERV," with the phrase, "God's in his Heaven, all's right with the world" underneath the logo. Misato stepped out of her car and took a keycard out of her dress pocket. She swiped it through a terminal on the right wall, and the wall with the logo rose up, revealing an elevator. She re-entered the car, and we drove into the elevator. A voice was heard over a speaker in the radio saying, "The gate is closing. Attention please. The train is about to depart." The door closed behind us, and the elevator, apparently the linear train Misato mentioned, began to descend.

"The special agency, Nerv?" I asked, thinking about the logo.

"Yes. A special organization attached directly to the United Nations."

"It's the one my father belongs to, isn't it?" I prayed the answer would be No.

"Well, yeah," My heart sank. "Do you know what he does?"

"My teacher said it was an important job to protect the human race." I didn't quite believe it though. Why would HE want to protect anyone but himself. Someone like him could never care enough to want to save people…

"Are we going to where my father is?"

"Well, yeah…we are."

My face fell, I looked down. I felt the beginnings of tears in my eyes. Memories flashed in my mind, a boy of only a few years old crying on a sidewalk with nothing but a suitcase, his only family driving away.

After a while, Misato addressed me again.

"By the way, were you given an ID by your father?"

"Oh, yes." I rummaged in my pocket for the folded piece of paper. I handed it over sheepishly, embarrassed at its poor condition. When I had first received the letter, I tore it up in anger. I don't know what possessed me to put it back together, but it was clumsily repaired with scotch tape. Misato either didn't notice or pretended not to, and simply responded "Thanks." She reached down under her seat and pulled out a book. The cover read "Welcome to Nerv. For your eyes only." I took it from her hands and looked at the cover.

"It's about my father's work… Is there anything for me to do?"

Misato didn't respond, and instead looked up at the ceiling of the car.

"I can't say I'm surprised. He never writes me unless he needs me to do something."

"I see. You find him cold. So do I…" she replied. _So others don't like my father either…Not that that surprises me. But…something about the way she said that. Was she really talking about my father? It sounded more personal than that. _ I wondered.

The linear train finally broke out of the tunnel, and the area burst into light. I broke out of my trance, and hurried to the window. I looked down, and it looked just like the outside. It was a real underground ecosystem!

"Awesome! A real Geo-front?"

"That's right. This is Nerv's secret headquarters. It's also the foundation for rebuilding the human race."


	3. Chapter 2: Reunion

_A few notes first. _ _First, responding to reviews. Mangafreak, it's not that kind of story, but if it has to be said, then A/S, because that's canon. Saberstorm, yes, it's a novelization, but only 1.0. 2.0 and on, it's my own baby. You can see Webuild by importing the DVD when it's released. Or, through certain illegal ways that I will not describe here._

_Notes on the chapter. Red water. This is an actual rebuild spoiler. The oceans in Rebuild are red. LCL red. This is something that i needed to find a place to mention, so I did. Also, you may note the lack of Shogouki protecting Shinji-kun. This is intentional, as it was cut from Webuild._

REBUILD

OF EVANGELION:

1.15: SAIKAI (さいかい)

"That's strange. I was sure this was the right way…" Misato sighed.

We stood on a conveyor belt traveling through a maze of rooms and elevators. We'd been wandering aimlessly for what seemed like hours, not to mention that Misato seemed to have no sense of direction at all. I continued to read through the manual, slogging through page after page on technical schematics of computers, operation instructions for something called the Magi, as well as constant reminders of what would happen to you should you break the Non-Disclosure Agreement that you are bound to from the moment you enter the facility. None of it interested me, but it gave me something to take my mind off of _him…_

A gust of air flew by, coming from the opening of the nearest automatic door.

"I'd really rather not wear a skirt in this place…" Misato complained.

_Then why do you wear one? Always seems like she's complaining..._ I thought.

"Anyway, where the heck is Ritsuko? Sorry, I'm just not familiar with this place!"

"We passed this spot a little while ago…"

Misato glared at me.

"Don't worry. All systems exist to be used!"

She reached into her skirt pocket, and withdrew her cellular phone. She dialed a short number, and said, "Captain Katsuragi Misato requesting the assistance of Akagi Ritsuko."

Soon after, we heard a voice coming from the ceiling, presumably an intercom, "Would the Chief of Project E, Technical Department-Division One, Dr. Akagi Ritsuko, Dr. Akagi Ritsuko, please contact Captain Katsuragi Misato of Operations, Division One, immediately." Misato smirked. "See. All systems exist to be used."

Her phone rang soon after this. She answered, "Hi, Ritsuko." The response was obviously less enthusiastic, as Misato's face fell a bit. "Yeah, sorry. Could you meet us at elevator…" she checked her map, "46? No, I mean…55. Elevator 55." "OK? Thanks a ton, Ritsuko! See ya!"

_I wonder if she can even get us that far…It sounds like this Ritsuko person is a friend of hers. _

We soon came to the end of the conveyor belt, which ended at a hub of sorts, with a table and some vending machines. Elevators lined the far wall. Misato walked straight to the elevator marked 55 and slid her key card. The elevator opened, and we stepped inside. I stood in the back corner, still reading the manual, while Misato stood right in front of the doors.

When the elevator reached level 28, the door opened. Standing exactly where Misato's reflection had been, stood a woman. Her hair was blonde, and her eyes were green. Her face wore a very stern expression, yet it almost seemed amused in a way. She wore a lab coat around her bathing suit.

_Wait, a bathing suit? That's rather odd…Whatever. All these people seem odd. _

"Erm, heya, Ritsuko!" Misato said surprised, but cheerfully. The woman stepped inside, and faced Misato. I continued to stand to the side, no desire to make my presence known to this woman.

"Why are you wasting my time, Captain Katsuragi? Aren't you aware that we're short on time and manpower!" Her voice seemed irritated enough, but there was still the hint of amusement in there. They were obviously well-acquainted with each other. Misato grimaced, and raised her hand to her face apologetically.

"Sorry!"

Ritsuko smiled slightly, and turned to look at me for the first time.

"Is this the boy?"

"Right. According to the Marduk Report, he's the Third Child."

_Third Child? Huh? The third child of what?_

They both turned to look at me, on either side.

"It's nice to meet you." Ritsuko said to me. I could tell from her voice that she was merely being polite. She seemed far more official than Misato did. Except for the bathing suit.

"Sure."

I looked at her more closely, and I saw drops of red liquid on her suit.

_Was she swimming in the ocean or something? That's the only place I know that has water like that…but why would my father's agency have a pool of ocean water? Whatever, I'm sure it's something that doesn't concern me…_

"He's just like his dad," Misato remarked.

I snapped out of my thoughts immediately. _What? Just like HIM? I'm nothing like him. He's…I'm…_

"The unfriendly part, that is."

_Oh. Well, whatever. I don't need to be friendly. I don't care what these people think of me. As long as I don't offend them, and do what they want me to, I'll be OK. Because that's what adults like best, isn't it. A child who does what he's told. _

I returned to the book, and followed along behind Misato and Ritsuko. I didn't pay much attention to the surroundings; it all looked the same to me. I was dimly aware of stepping onto an elevator. Behind me was what looked like a pool of ocean water, being that it was red. I heard a voice over the intercom, calling all hands to battle stations. I guessed that the monster had finally made its way over here.

"Here we go." Misato said, sighing.

"It sounds pretty serious."

"By the way, how is Unit One?"

"It's currently in refrigeration, equipped with B-type equipment."

"Does it really work? It's never worked before, has it?"

"Activation possibility is 0.000000001. We call it the 09 system."

"Does that mean it won't work?"

"Don't be insulting. It's not 0."

"Well, it's just a number. Anyway, it's a bit late to just say, 'Sorry, it didn't work.'

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw an enormous purple hand reaching towards the elevator. As soon as I saw it, however, the elevator moved above the window, and into a new room. I dismissed it, guessing my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I hadn't paid much attention to their exchange, either. It sounded like a bunch of technical babble to me, something about a Unit One, and activation. I figured, again, that it didn't matter to me. I knew nothing about it, after all.

We boarded a hovercraft boat that took us across the same pool of water that had been visible in the window. On the other side was a steel wall with a single airlock door. We entered, and as soon as we closed the door, it was completely dark. Nothing was visible.

"It's so dark…"

Immediately after I spoke, I heard a click, and the lights turned on. I gasped audibly. In front of me was…something indescribable. It was a…giant purple robot's face. It was very sleek. The face was triangular, with a single horn coming from above and between the eyes. Its jaw was blue, and appeared to be welded together.

"A face? A…giant robot?" I opened the manual to the table of contents, searching for any mention of something like this.

Ritsuko smirked. "You won't find this in the manual. This is Man's ultimate humanoid fighting machine, the first model of the synthetic life form, Evangelion. Built here in secret, it is Man's last hope." She said this very matter-of-factly, obviously very proud of this creation. I was still in total awe of everything, unable to comprehend. I stared at this thing, in complete shock. The more I stared, I felt a sense of familiarity somehow, like something I'd known when I was a baby. I took no notice of it, and simply continued to stare.

"Is this what my father's been doing?"

"Correct."

I gasped again. _No, not him. I knew he would be here, but I still don't want to see him. Not even talk to him…_ Reluctantly, I looked up. High above the Evangelion's horn was a yellow tinted window. And behind this window was…him. Standing there, behind the window, wearing those same loathsome tinted glasses he wore the day he dropped me alone in the world like a piece of trash.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Tears welled up behind my eyes. I shook, partly out of anger, partly out of fear.

"Father…"

I averted my gaze. I heard him chuckle over the speaker.

"We're moving out."

"Moving out?" Misato yelled, alarmed, "Unit Zero's still in cryostasis, isn't it? Wait, you're going to use Unit 01?"

"There's no other way."

I wasn't listening. I was too overcome by emotions I had been fighting to shut out for three years, since the last time I'd seen my father. I'd buried them down inside my heart, but seeing him again caused them to burst to the surface. I was completely in my own world.

"Now wait, Rei can't do it yet, can she? We have no pilot!"

"One has just arrived."

"Are you serious?"

"Ikari Shinji-kun…"

I looked up, and looked at Ritsuko very intently, forcing myself not to look back up at him.

"You will pilot it."

_What? I must have misheard her. That's impossible._

"But even Rei Ayanami took seven months to synchronize with her Eva! It's impossible for him to do it! He just got here!"

_I did hear correctly…why? Why me? Why me? I can't do that. I won't. Not for them. Not for him. Not for anyone. _

"He just has to sit in the seat. We don't expect him to do much more than that."

"But…"

"Repelling that Angel is our top priority."

_Angel? That must be what that thing is. Angels…my father's fighting angels…fitting._

Ritsuko continued, "If putting someone who has a chance of synchronizing into an Eva unit gives us even the slightest chance, then we have to do it. You understand that, don't you, Captain Katsuragi."

_These people are all alike. They don't care about what I want. As long as it gets it done, then that's what will be done. But why? Even if I did sit in the seat, I wouldn't be able to do anything! I'd just get killed…_

"I suppose…"

I decided to finally speak up. Still staring at the ground, I addressed my father.

"Father, why did you send for me?"

"You know exactly why."

I flinched every time I heard his voice.

"So, you're asking me to take this thing and go out there and fight?"

_I knew it. My father, of course, doesn't care about me. He'd risk my life for his job. Not that he'd risk his own skin._

"Precisely."

Tears finally began to escape from my eyes. My voice rose, and I shook openly. I looked at him for the first time since I looked down.

"No way! How can you do something like this to me! I knew you didn't want me!"

"I called you because I have a need for you."

I looked down again. My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Why me?"

"Because no one else can."

His voice never changed tone, always the same, flat, horrible voice. With every word he spoke, I felt worse. _No one else can? Then why could I do it? I'm below average, nothing I do is good! What do I have that no one else does…_I responded incredulously, almost laughing, while tears still beaded in my eyes.

"No, I can't…I've never seen anything like this before! I can't do this!"

"You will be instructed."

"But there's no way! I CAN'T PILOT IT!"

His voice finally broke its tone. He was noticeably angry now.

"If you're going to pilot it, do it now, and quickly. If not, LEAVE!"

I wanted to leave. I wanted to go back to my room, and forget about all this. But somehow, I stayed rooted to the spot, still looking down. I felt everyone's eyes on me, waiting for me to speak again.

**BOOM.**

An explosion shook the room, I could hear the monster's—the Angel's—footsteps in the distance now.

"It must have detected our location," Father said.

Another explosion rattled the building. Ritsuko spoke now.

"Shinji-kun, we don't have any time."

I looked over to Misato, hoping for some kinder words. I didn't know what to do.

"Get into it."

A shocked expression spread over my face, then I reverted to my previous expression and looked back down.

"No, I didn't come for this! This is all wrong!"

Misato bent down, down to my level. For the first time, I was being addressed as a person.

"Shinji-kun, just why DID you come here?"

I looked the other way, troubled. I didn't know the answer myself.

"You must confront your father and you must confront yourself." She continued.

_I KNOW THAT! BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? Does that mean I have to risk my life?_

"I know that! But I JUST CAN'T!"

Silence. Everyone was silent. Misato stood back up, and looked towards my father. After a while, he spoke.

"Fuyutsuki. Wake up Rei."

_What?_

After hearing the response, he replied.

"She isn't dead."

He then spoke again, apparently talking to someone new.

"Rei? Our spare is unusable. You will do it again."

Ritsuko looked at me one last time, then yelled to the workers, "Reconfigure Unit 01's system for Rei, then reactivate!"

"Roger. Call off the present work, and begin reactivation."

_I knew it. I'm not needed after all. _

I heard the rattling of a cart, and running footsteps. A nearby door opened, and three people in hospital uniforms were running towards us, pushing a hospital bed with someone on top. I looked down as they passed by. It was a girl. She was pale white, with light blue hair, in a skin-tight white uniform with 00 stamped at the neck. A bandage was over her left eye, as well as more all over her body. She sat up. Her breathing was very erratic, and obviously very labored. I was in complete shock at this point. My father was willing to use a deathly injured girl because I wouldn't do it?

_Am I really going to make her do it because I am too afraid of my father? What kind of spineless loser am I? That's just it though. I'm spineless. I'm a coward. _

I grimaced, as I looked at the girl struggle to try to stand up, to no avail.

**BOOM.**

This explosion was louder than the last. It appeared to have finally broken through the Geofront's walls. The room shook violently, and the bed fell over. The girl, Rei, fell to the ground. As soon as I picked myself up, I ran over to her, and lifted her head off the ground. Her breathing was sharp and rapid, her one visible eye closed in pain. I turned around, and looked at the Evangelion, the source of all of this conflict. I looked back at her. Her breathing continued to worsen. I lifted one hand, and saw that my palm was covered in blood. I gasped loudly. I closed my eyes.

_I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I MUSTN'T RUN AWAY!_

I looked up.

"I'll do it. I'll pilot it."

I sat in a chair, inside a pill shaped construct suspended above the robot's back. The water below me was drained, and the workers were moving rapidly, hurriedly preparing the robot. A whole bunch of statements I didn't understand were rattled off over the intercom, and the back of the Evangelion opened up, revealing an opening for the plug, which I gathered was called the Entry Plug. The mechanical crane suspending the Plug placed the tip inside the hole, then pushed it inside. Lights of various colors flashed around me, and I felt a tingling in the back of my head.

"Filling the Entry Plug."

_Huh?_ I looked down, and I saw that there was a yellowish liquid filling the Plug rapidly.

"What is this stuff?"

I held my breath, as the water level went over my head.

"Don't worry. Once your lungs are filled with LCL, your blood will be oxygenated directly." Ritsuko's voice, over a speaker in the plug.

I opened my mouth, when I ran out of air, and the liquid—LCL, I supposed—flooded inside my mouth and down my windpipe. I expected to feel pain, but I simply felt nauseous.

"Disgusting…"

"Stop whining! You're a boy, aren't you!"- Misato's voice this time. _Again, with the boy thing. What does that matter, anyway?_

More technical babble, and then more flashing colors around my chair. I felt like I was going downwards. Eventually, the color went away, and a window to the outside appeared in front of me.

"Synchro ratio at 41.3."

"Amazing!" Ritsuko sounded impressed with this. All I did was sit down? Apparently I did something right.

"PREPARE TO LAUNCH!" Misato yelled.

Looking around, all sorts of locks and restraints were being removed from the Evangelion. _But why does a giant robot need locks, I wonder? They can't move on their own…_

Seeing the area from up in the cockpit, and seeing all of the work being done just to get me ready almost made me feel confident. I was determined at the very least. I wanted to show him that maybe I was worth something. If I could do that, then it was worth coming here._Like that'll ever happen though…_

They moved the robot, with me in it, to an elevator pad on the far wall. Above me was a tunnel that seemed to lead all the way to the surface. I heard a click, I was locked in place on the elevator.

"LAUNCH!"

The locks released, I was catapulted upwards through the tunnel at high speed. I had to hold on to my chair just to keep sitting down. Soon, I reached the surface, and I was facing the Angel. I felt real fear then, staring down my enemy.

"Are you ready, Shinji?" Misato asked.

"Yes…" I replied, even though that was a complete lie.

"Release the final safety lock!" Another click. I was vaguely aware that I was standing up on my own now.

"EVANGELION UNIT 01, LIFT OFF!"

_Here we go…_


	4. Chapter 3: Awakening

_Here's part 1.2. Sorry for the delay. This one's a bit shorter. 1.25 will be longer. We get into Webuild-exclusive content here. So Webuild spoilers abound...Here we go._

1.2: Mezameru （めざめる）

"Shinji-kun, think only of walking right now," Ritsuko's voice came in through the speakers.

_Walk…_I was frightened, and it showed on my face. I trembled all over. I fought to push it all out of my head, and concentrated only on walking.

I heard the whirr of machinery, and I saw from the viewscreen in front of me that I was walking forward. The ground shook when my foot hit the ground. I noted a pressure in the back of my head. It felt—however strange—that something else was inside my head. I supposed it was my imagination again, and pushed it away, thinking of nothing but walking forward.

"It's walking!" Ritsuko exclaimed. The surprise in her voice indicated that she wasn't expecting it to work.

"Walk…" I said aloud, summoning as much concentration as I could muster. But as I began to take the next step forward, Ritsuko's surprise finally registered in my head.

_Making me their guinea pig, I see…they didn't even know if it was going to move!_

This interrupted my concentration. I lost my balance and fell forward. There was a loud crash as I fell, and I felt as if something had hit me in the forehead. I placed my hand on my forehead, dizzy, when I heard someone else's footsteps. I looked up, and saw that the Angel was coming towards me.

"Shinji-kun, are you OK?" came Misato's voice, alarmed, "Hurry! Get up!"

The Angel loomed above me, looking more frightening than ever. It had two identical faces now, instead of one, and all four of its loathsome black eyes were staring straight at me. My fear grew, and I sucked in air rapidly. My eyes widened, as the Angel reached down and grabbed my head. In spite of my fear, I noticed a red sphere similar to the one in its stomach in the center of its palm. The Angel picked me up with one hand, and, holding me by my head, raised me up in front of it. It grabbed my other arm. The Angel's arm suddenly grew to twice its previous size, and jerked my arm forward towards it, pulling my head in one direction, and my arm in the other.

"Gah!" I felt an intense pain in my real arm, stemming from exactly where the Angel was pulling on the Evangelion's arm. Veins pulsed, and I grabbed the arm with my other, trying to stop the pain.

"Shinji-kun! Calm down! That's not your arm!"

_Not my arm? That's right! That's the Evangelion's arm, not mine. Why do I keep thinking of it as my own?_

The pressure increased, as the Angel continued to pull harder and harder. The Angel began to compress on where it was holding my—the EVANGELION'S—arm, crushing it. I felt as if my arm was about to snap in two. I heard a loud CRACK, and suddenly the arm went limp. All feeling was gone in my left arm.

_What the hell? That wasn't my arm! Why am I the one feeling pain?_

I had no time to ponder the question, however. The Angel raised me higher, and held me straight out from its left arm. The crimson sphere in its palm glowed with white light, and all of the sudden,

"Shinji-kun! DODGE IT!" Misato screamed.

I heard a crashing noise, and white hot pain surged through my right eye.

"AAAAAH!" I screamed.

It hit me again, and again, six more times. Each time, the pain got worse and worse. Cracks appeared in my field of vision, my audio began to become nothing more than white noise. I heard it hit me one more time, and I was pushed backwards at high speed. I heard a smashing noise, and my head smashed into my chair. The pressure in the back of my head grew to an unbearable level. The viewscreen, now completely cracked, turned blood red. The red swam all over my field of vision, enveloping everything. The red swirled into blackness, and I passed out.

I was sitting on a train. It was unmoving, and no one was inside the car. I looked down, and I didn't see my body. This didn't shock me, however. I felt completely detached from the world. I was simply there. No thoughts, no breath, no life. It was as if this train was the only thing in existence, yet somehow it didn't seem to exist either. Outside the window was solid orange, the color of the LCL. Suddenly, I heard a voice. It seemed to be coming from everywhere, but nowhere. It seemed more familiar to me than anything I'd encountered so far, but I didn't know where, but didn't care. It had a certain quality to it, something impossible to explain. It felt…loving. Caring.

"If it's a boy, Shinji. If a girl, Rei. Ayanami Shinji, Ikari Rei…"

The voice paused, thoughtful.

"No, Ikari Shinji, Ayanami Rei."

I snapped to a state of alertness at the mention of these names. I suddenly realized who the voice belonged to.

…_mother?_

I awoke to blackness.

"Circuts reconnected."

"Systems restored. Graphs back to normal."

"Pilot life signs confirmed."

_What the hell just happened? Did I pass out? Where's the Angel?_

My fear was gone, to be replaced by paralyzing shock. The pressure in the back of my head was gone, but I felt as if something huge had happened. I tightened a fist on my left hand, only to realize that feeling had been restored.

The lights came back on. I looked out from the viewscreen, and I saw that the cracks were gone. The Angel was nowhere to be found.

"Send out the recovery team! Hurry!"

"Preserving the pilot's life is our first priority."

_But I'm perfectly OK! What happened?_

I tried to speak, but I couldn't form words. Instead, I looked out and surveyed the landscape. A building next to me had a reflective surface, and I saw that the Evangelion's head was completely destroyed, as if it had been incinerated. The burned remains suddenly slipped off and fell to the ground, revealing something grotesque. I looked away and put it out of my mind, believing it to be a trick of the light.

_It's a giant robot, there's no way it really looks like that underneath…_

I looked back, to confirm my thought, and I saw that I was wrong. Behind the steel face—I supposed it's a mask—was something completely different, but distinctly organic. It was long and flesh colored, with a black hole where the eye would be. Tubes came out from the back of its head—its true face—and went down into its body. I stared at it, dumbfounded.

_What IS this thing? What exactly has my father created?_

I blinked, and what I saw next shocked me even more. My eyes widened, and I gasped. The eye socket began to bubble, like boiling water. The bubbles grew and grew, until they gave way to a pink, ovular slit in the center. It widened, and in the middle, a green sphere formed. It turned around, revealing an eye. I looked it directly in the eye, and it looked back at me. The impact of what it was hit me, and…

"Aaah…ahh…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

I awoke.

My first feeling was that of warmth. I was warm. My second feeling was that of confusion. I didn't know where I was, or what had happened. I was too tired to sit up, so I continued to look at the ceiling. I could tell I was in a bed.

"An unfamiliar ceiling…"


	5. Chapter 4: Homecoming

_OK, notes. On Webuild versus Rebuild: The original Japanese katakana for Evangelion was _「エヴァンゲリオン」　_or "Evangelion." For the Rebuild release, it was retitled　_「ヱヴァンゲリヲン」_ or Wevangeliwon. The obsolete katakana _ヱ_ (we) in place of _エ_ (e) and _ヲ _(wo) instead of _オ_(o). This creates a fancy effect for the Japanese, I suppose. It's a running joke among eva otaku, Webuild of Wevangeliwon. I may find myself saying it by accident sometimes.  
_

_Second: I'm sure most of you reading this know what "-chan" means, but for those who don't: The Japanese use suffixes called honorifics at the end of names. "-chan" is an odd honorific that's used as a pet name. It's often used for little children, or girls. Also from boyfriend to girlfriend, or sometimes vice versa. _

_Finally: the order of events. In Rebuild, this is how things go. Unit 01's fight really was before this chapter. So bear with me._

REBUILD OF

EVANGELION

1.25: HOMECOMING

It had taken me some time to force myself out of bed. How long, I wasn't sure, but it felt like hours. I wandered the hospital—for it was a hospital, I soon discovered—aimlessly, before coming to rest by a window. I stared out at the landscape, but not really looking at anything. I simply stared, mind blank, completely withdrawn. Soon, however, a door opening shook me out of my trance. I turned to look, and I saw a nurse pushing a stretcher. As it neared me, I saw that the person whom it was transporting was the girl from earlier. Ayanami Rei, I guessed. She looked seriously injured, one arm in a cast, with a bandage over her left eye. Time seemed to slow as she passed by, each looking at each other, and again, I was possessed by a strange feeling of familiarity which I couldn't explain.

_Who is she? I've never met her before, but I can't help but feel like I've known her my whole life, and I've simply forgotten…What am I thinking? I'm being stupid. It's probably just the painkillers they gave me…_

I sighed, and looked away as she passed by me. I looked down, and by the time I looked up again, she was already gone.

I continued to wander. Eventually, I found myself in an empty room with lots of wooden benches. I sat down in a middle row and stared at the floor. I laid my hands down next to me, and found that they fell upon a book. I picked it up, and saw the words "HOLY BIBLE" inscribed in gold on the cover.

_This is the hospital church, I suppose…fitting._

I looked up at the ceiling. If God really was there, why was he sending his Angels? Are they really angels? Monsters that bear the name of Angel…why?

_It seems the sort of thing my father would decide upon…he's definitely evil enough._

I sat there, thinking for the first time, wondering about all that had happened, but forcing myself to not remember what had happened after the battle. That particular memory was shut from his mind. Remembering what he saw would simply cause pain.

I lifted my arm, and stared at the spot where it had been broken. It hadn't been his arm at all, why had he felt it? What sort of robot had he created? One that causes the pilot pain as well?

_Certainly seems like his work. He never cared about how I felt, or when I was hurt. He only asked me to do something when he needed me to do something, and it always caused me pain…_

I don't know how long I sat, or what time it was. All I knew was that eventually, I was shaken out of my thoughts once again, this time by footsteps. I looked up; it was Misato-san. She motioned for me to follow her, so I stood up and followed.

We walked from the hospital out into the main portion of Nerv HQ. Misato was silent the whole time we walked, obviously perceptive enough to know I wouldn't respond. We walked to one of the elevators, and Misato pushed on the UP button. After a few seconds, the elevator door opened. Inside…stood him again. He stood over me menacingly; his face screamed, "Don't bother speaking to me, I'm busy." His eyes, hidden behind his glasses, stared straight through me. I couldn't bear to look at them anymore; I averted my gaze. I noticed the faintest of smirks cross his lips as the door closed again. We decided to take the escalator nearby instead.

We ended up in a dark room above the Geofront. If I hadn't been feeling subdued, I would have noticed that the view was incredible. We stood on a glass ceiling, directly above the pyramid that was Nerv HQ. The room was completely dark, save for the lights coming in from under us. Misato and I stood facing a Nerv official, who was apparently discussing my living arrangements with Misato.

"Alone?" Misato said, shocked.

"Right. His room will be in Sixth Block, just below this one. Is that satisfactory?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Are you sure? Shinji-kun…" Misato asked, concerned.

"It's OK. Being alone is fine with me."

_It's also all I've known my whole life…I'm always alone. I always have been. Ever since HE abandoned me…_

Surprising myself, I actually spoke aloud again.

"I'm alone anyway."

Following the conversation, Misato decided these arrangements weren't satisfactory. She pulled the official aside, and took him outside the room. I heard some raised voices, but I didn't really care what they argued about. It didn't matter where I stayed, I was still alone. After a while, Misato re-entered the room with an enormous grin on her face.

"Guess what, Shinji-kun? You're going to be living with ME from now on!"

_Living with Misato-san? She wants me to stay with her? But…no one's ever wanted me to be around them before…why?_

I contemplated this sudden decision as I followed her back to where we entered, when we stopped suddenly at a telephone.

"I've gotta give Ritsuko a call real quick, OK? I've gotta let her know where you're staying!"

"OK."

_What is she doing? Why could she possibly want me to stay with her? I barely met her…and she's a grown woman, and I'm a whining, pathetic little kid…not exactly the ideal roommate._

"Hey, Ritsuko. I'm going to be taking care of Shinji from now on, so could you make all of the arrangements for me?"

I could hear the reply over the phone; Misato was holding it far enough away from her ear.

"What?"

"So, I said, I'll take care of Shinji-kun. I've already got permission from the brass. Hey, it's not like I'm going to 'put the moves' on him or something!"

For some reason, the last line made me chuckle. I wasn't sure why, it just seemed strange to me.

"Of course not!" came Ritsuko's reply, sharply. "How could you even THINK of such a thing?"

"She just can't take a joke…"

A joke. That's why I chuckled. Of course.

We were driving through a dark tunnel; we had just left Nerv HQ, and were headed for Misato's home. I sat in the passenger seat, clutching the packet of handouts I had been issued before leaving. I didn't speak to her, but she was determined to engage me in conversation.

"Well, we'll have to have a party tonight, right?" she asked happily.

"What for?"

"What for? A welcoming party for my new roommate, of course!"

_She seems very determined to get me to be happy. And yet I still don't know why she even bothered taking me in…I'd be better off by myself…I don't want to be a bother to other people…_

We passed out of the tunnel and into the light. The tunnel had taken us out of the Geofront, and now we were back in Tokyo-3. We drove through the city and stopped at a small 24-hour food mart.

"Come on, Shinji-kun! We can't have a party without food!"

She beckoned for me to follow her inside. I did, and Misato quickly ran for the aisles, grabbing random foods that caught her eye. Her basket was full within seconds. As we stood at the checkout counter, I could hear the couple next to us speaking in worried tones.

"So, you're going to move after all?" the first asked.

"Yes, I'd never have dreamt that this city would become a battlefield."

"Yeah."

"My husband's saying that our kid and I should move, at the very least."

"Don't I know it. This city may be a fortress, but that's no guarantee of safety."

"Just remembering it gives me the chills…"

Their words were true; why would anyone bother staying when their lives were in danger?

_But hang on…won't they be safer here in Tokyo-3 than anywhere else? It's a fortress, after all. And this is where the Evangelion is…if the Angels attacked somewhere else, it'd be all over for them. _

After a while, we returned to the car. It was getting late; the sun was about to set. Naturally, Misato had loaded all of the bags onto my lap, so I was anxious to get out.

"I hope you don't mind if we make a little stop along the way."

_Of course…where does she want to go now? Can't we just go to our destination?_

"Where?"

"Someplace really cool."

_Vague…why must adults always be so vague? _

We stopped at a viewpoint that overlooked the city. After much difficulty, I moved the bags off of my lap and managed to squeeze out of the car. I stood by the railing, and looked over the landscape.

"So desolate," I said, "This city seems so lonely…"

And it was true. The city seemed devoid of life, entirely machine. No signs of human habitation were immediately visible. It lived up to its reputation as a fortress.

"It's time," Misato said as she looked up from her watch.

_Time for what?_ I wondered. My wondering didn't last long, however, as a siren began to sound. I stared out over the city, and I began to hear the rumble of distant machinery. Soon after, buildings began to rise from the ground. Full fledged skyscrapers simply rose majestically, growing to staggering heights. These skyscrapers rose far above the rest of the city. They were incredible to look at, especially with the setting sun reflecting off of their metal outer walls.

"Amazing! The buildings are growing!" I said, awed.

As the buildings locked into place, all the lights turned on throughout the city. Within seconds, the city seemed to be teeming with life.

"This city is a fortress, designed to protect against the Angels. This is Tokyo-3. This is our city."

She turned to look at me, looking directly into my eyes.

"And it's the city you saved."

Finally, we arrived at Misato's home. It was an apartment, inside a large block of similar apartments. We took the elevator to Misato's floor, and walked over to her door. It was identical to the others, save for the "M Katsuragi" stamped on a nameplate. A few boxes stood in an uneven pile next to the door.

"Your things should have already been delivered, Shinji. I just moved into this apartment, too."

She pushed a button next to the door, and it slid open. She walked right inside, but I hesitated. She looked back at me, and smiled again.

"Come on in."

"Pardon the intrusion." I said humbly. I went through the ritual; adults usually were impressed with my formality, and left me alone.

"Shinji, this is your home now," she reassured me.

_Well, OK…maybe I actually could find a home here. Maybe she doesn't have a motive, maybe she actually cares._

Hesitantly, I stepped over the threshold and into her apartment.

"I…I'm home." I said, blushing slightly.

"Welcome home."

The door slid shut behind me, and I stepped forward, inside. Misato turned on the lights, and I walked out of the entrance hallway into what appeared to be the kitchen. As I did, a noxious odor hit my nose. In front of me, on what looked like the dinner table, sat a large pile of beer cans, bags of Doritos, and other random snacks. I laid the bags down on the floor.

"As you can see, the place is a little bit messy. Make yourself comfortable!"

I looked around, and saw that the rest of the house was just as messy. Piles of boxes were stacked haphazardly in the corners, half-closed bags of trash littered the floor, random bottles covered the shelves.

"You call this 'a little bit' messy?" I muttered to myself.

_How can she live like this? This is crazy! I can barely BREATHE in here! What have I gotten myself into…_

"Oh! Sorry! Could you put the food in the fridge?" she called from another room.

"Erm…sure." I said.

I opened the fridge, and pulled out the shelves.

"Ice…"

"Snacks…"

"And tons of beer!" I exclaimed. "What kind of life does she lead?"

After shoving the food into the fridge—there was barely enough room amongst all the beer—I saw that there was a second fridge on the opposite side of the room.

"Excuse me, what's in the other fridge?"

"Oh, don't mind that. He's probably still sleeping."

"Sleeping…?"

_Sleeping? There's an ANIMAL that lives in all this too?_

As soon as Misato finished changing her clothes—she was now dressed in a pair of shorts and a tanktop—we prepared the food. All of the food Misato had purchased was instant food, so she threw it all into the microwave and heated it up. She grabbed a couple of beers, and then we sat down to eat.

"Itedakimasu!" she said, excited.

"…itedakimasu."

Immediately, she grabbed her beer and gulped the entire can in one go. I didn't touch my food; I wasn't hungry after today's events. I just sat and stared at the table. As soon as her beer can was empty, a change came over her. She let out a high-pitched shriek, and her face twisted into an enormous grin.

"Yahaaaa! Kyaaaaa! Life just doesn't get any better than this!"

Her face immediately changed back to a calm, regular expression.

_What is with her? She drinks way too much…and she gets intoxicated so easily…_

"Don't you want to eat? It's good, even if it is all instant," she asked, as she grabbed another beer.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not used to it."

Apparently this triggered something, as she slammed her beer on the table, and her expression changed to one of anger. She leaned forward over the table, and put her face directly in front of mine.

"No, that's not what I…well…"

She immediately smiled again, and all trace of anger was gone.

"Isn't this nice," she said happily.

"Erm…"

_Yep, definitely drunk. What is with her? Getting drunk during her first dinner with her new, underage roommate? So irresponsible…_

"Having two for dinner instead of eating alone!"

"Yeah…"

This went on for several more minutes, until Misato decided it was time to divide the chores. By this time, there was a pyramid of beer cans next to us, some full, some empty, some partially full.

"And to do it fairly, we'll play Rock Paper Scissors. OK?"

"Fine…" I sighed.

I seemed to have the worst luck at this, Misato won almost all of the games. Misato ended up with only one or two chores per day, while I was stuck with everything else. After making it into a chart, and pasting it on the wall, she sat down for more beer.

"OK! That was a pretty fair way of splitting up our daily chores!"

"…yeah."

_Fair? Come on. She's just lazy, and now she's gonna use me to take care of her house, too. Jeez._

"This is your home now, so make yourself comfortable, and take advantage of everything here, except me!"

_Yeah, like I'd ever do that. _

"Yes…" I replied, grimacing.

"Man, yes, yes, yes. Is that all you say? It's getting on my nerves!"

She jumped up onto the table, and grabbed my head. Her angry expression returned, and ruffling my hair, she yelled,

"You're a boy, aren't you? Act like a man! Okay?"

"Uh…yes…"

She lifted her hand and sat back down, happy again.

"Okay, that's just the way you are. Well, why don't you go take a bath and scrub away all those bad memories?"

Wagging her finger, she continued, "Bathing cleanses the mind and soul."

_Fine…maybe I can get some time to myself…_

Misato pointed towards the bathroom, and I headed over there. I undressed myself, then walked to the shower. Bras and panties littered the floor, and some were suspended by a rack off the ceiling. I blushed slightly, and moved towards the shower to turn it on, then realized I had forgotten a towel. I walked back to the door and opened it. I was about to walk forward, when I heard a strange, ducklike sound coming from the ground. Looking down, I saw a penguin, shaking to dry itself off.

_Wait…a penguin? A PENGUIN?_

"Aaaaaaaaaah!!!"

I ran for the door to the bathroom, and threw it open.

"Mi…mi…mi…Misato-san!"

"What?" she asked, completely calm.

"A p…a p…a p..." I began, unable to continue.

It waddled past me, heading for the second refrigerator. It seemed to possess intelligence unlike that of a normal penguin. Something about the way it walked made it seem distinctly humanlike.

"Oh, him?" Misato said, amused. "He's one of those new warm-water penguins."

A claw extended from its flipper, and pushed a button on the fridge. A door slid open, revealing a penguin habitat. It looked back at me, almost mockingly. Its eyes were bright green, and it had two red frills extending from its nostrils. It wore a silver collar that read, "PEN2." It walked back inside. I looked back to Misato, still wearing a shocked expression.

"What was that?"

"His name's Pen-pen. He's your other roommate."

She lifted another beer from the table, and took a sip before continuing.

"Why don't you cover up?"

I looked down, and remembered that I was undressed. My face turned beet red. I reached down to cover myself, and sheepishly walked back inside.

As I lay in the bath, allowing the warm water to comfort me, I finally allowed my mind to wander.

_Katsuragi Misato-san…_

_What is there to say about her? She's so…weird! Everything about her is so childish, and ridiculous! But…she seems to have a caring personality, too…_

_She's not a bad person…_ I decided.

_But that doesn't mean that she's anything more than another adult. Just because she's a nice person doesn't mean that she won't hesitate to use me when she sees fit. She DOES work for HIM after all. And everyone else at Nerv is so cold…_

"Bathing cleanses the mind and soul!" I heard again in my head.

_But bad memories always seem to find me when I'm in the bath…_I sighed.

Images flashed before me. The Evangelion. Ayanami Rei. A boy crying on the sidewalk. My father.

_Like my father…and Ayanami Rei…_

As soon as I had finished, I dried off and re-dressed myself. I walked outside to find Misato still sitting there, drinking more beer.

"Misato-san?"

"Yes?"

"I'd like to go to bed now. Could you show me where I'll be staying?"

Without standing up, she pointed to a door. I walked to it, and I saw that she had taped up a sign to it, that read "Shin-chan's room," with a little heart next to it.

_Shin-chan, huh? Whatever. Adults always like to call me Shin-chan…it's really not that funny or cute…whatever. There's no point in protesting it, after all._

I walked inside, to find a simple room with a bed against the far wall, next to a window, with a few boxes of clothes littered around the room. In the corner sat a small box of my possessions.

_I wonder if it's still there…_

I walked to the box and dug around until I found what I was looking for. My SDAT music player.

_Even the tape's still inside…good. _

I plugged in the headphones, and put them on. Lying down on my bed, I set it to track 25 and spaced out, not even listening to the music. It simply helped tune out the rest of the world. It was my escape. I had long ago grown tired of the songs on the single tape I owned, but tracks 25 and 26 were especially effective at helping me escape, so I continued to play them.

I lay there, completely out of synch with the rest of the world. I sat there and stared into space, not thinking, not caring. The SDAT switched to track 26. I continued to stare. I rolled over onto my back, and stared at the ceiling.

"Another unfamiliar ceiling…Of course. In this whole city, there's not one place that's familiar…"

"This is your home!" I heard Misato say.

_Why am I here? _I wondered. _I have no place here. I'm not really needed. As soon as Ayanami Rei is healthy again, they can just use her. _

I heard the sounds of today's battle in my head. The crashing of the Angel's weapon against my head. It grew louder with every passing second. Images from the fight flashed through my head, including images I didn't recognize. I saw them just as vividly as I saw the ceiling above me. I saw the Evangelion attack the Angel, rip its arms off, smash its core. I saw the Angel self-destruct. I saw the eye. That horrible, loathsome eye. I rolled over onto my side, and stared out the window into the blackness.

"Shinji-kun, can I come in?" I heard Misato ask from outside. I didn't move. I didn't respond. I was too lost in my thoughts. Her voice barely registered in my head.

I vaguely heard her open the door and step inside.

"I forgot to tell you something. You did a very good thing today. You should be proud of yourself."

I wasn't listening. I didn't hear anything more than a buzz in my ears.

"Goodnight, Shinji-kun. Hang in there."


	6. Chapter 5: Conflict

_Apologies for the late, then rather lackluster update. The holidays got to me. Sorry. Here's 1.3, and 1.35 is half-done right now. I'll get it up as soon as I can. _

1.3: Tousou (とうそう)

His fist smashed directly into my cheek. He hit hard. The impact pushed me to the ground. It hurt. I wiped the saliva from my mouth where he impacted, and I turned to look at him. His arm quavered for a second before he withdrew it, and cracked his knuckles.

"Sorry, transfer student, but I've got to beat you up! I won't feel right until I've smacked you."

The other boy, freckled and glasses-wearing, bent down to my level and whispered to me in a friendly tone, "Sorry, his little sister was injured in the incident the other day."

He stood up, and looked down to me. "Well, there you have it," he said as he turned around. The two boys, Suzuhara Toji and Aida Kensuke, I gathered, turned to walk away.

_I deserved that. I deserve a lot more than that. But…_

"I'm not piloting it by choice either," I said, almost to myself.

Toji turned sharply and walked quickly back to me. He picked me up by the collar of my shirt and stared at me, his angry brown eyes boring into my withdrawn blue ones. I didn't look him in the eye. He growled at me, and then hit me again. The impact pushed my cheek into my teeth, and the inside of my mouth bled. I didn't move to get up this time. I lay on the concrete, once again completely withdrawn from the world. I stared at the blue sky, and the sound of cicadas was all I heard. I lay there for quite a while, remembering today's events.

Multicolored lights flashed in front of me. I sat in the Entry Plug, wearing the blue and white skintight uniform that Misato had given me that morning. She called it my plug suit. It was very uncomfortable; I felt as if I was being choked. I didn't complain, however. I knew enough to know not to complain. Ritsuko's voice came in from the speaker.

"Good morning, Shinji-kun. How are you?"

_How am I…How indeed…_

"I'm getting used to it. It's not bad." I replied. An appropriately vague answer to an uncomfortable question.

"That's good," Ritsuko replied. Her voice tone changed, and immediately became business-like.

"Have you memorized the positions of all the Eva emergence points, emergency power junctions, armament buildings, and recovery zones?"

_Yeah, I've not had much else to do anyway._

"I think so."

"Then, I'll review it one more time." She didn't sound convinced.

"Normally, the Eva runs directly off electricity provided by an umbilical cable. In emergencies, it can switch to an internal battery, with an active life of one minute at full power, and no more than five minutes in the minimal activity gain mode. This is the limitations of our current technology. Do you understand?"

"Yes." They'd gone over this hundreds of times. It wasn't that difficult to understand. Basically, don't let the cable get cut. And if it does, retreat and find a new cable.

"Now, let's continue from where we left off yesterday. We'll initiate Induction Mode."

_Shooting practice…_

The lights came on in front of me, revealing a scale model of Tokyo-3. In front of me stood a startlingly accurate recreation of the Angel. My heart accelerated slightly every time I saw it. I raised the rifle in my hand. I heard a beeping noise behind me; the activation timer had begun counting down. Targeting crosshairs came up on the viewscreen.

"Position the target in the center, then switch 'on.'"

I aimed and squeezed the trigger on the handles next to my chair. The rifle fired, and the shots flew just over the Angel's head.

"Calm down. Position the target in the center."

"Switch," I whispered.

The shots found their mark this time; the Angel replica fell down and exploded.

"Next," Ritsuko instructed. I fired. My eyes glazed over; I followed my instructions and carried out the drill.

_Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch. Target in the center…_

I dropped the trash bag into the marked area, then turned to walk to school. Today was Thursday; it was burnable trash day, so Misato had instructed me to drop off the trash on the way to school. I didn't mind. If I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done, seeing as there was no way Misato would do it. I put my free hand in my pocket, and realized I had forgotten my cellular phone. Misato had given me one on my first day of school. I accepted it gratefully of course, not that I needed it. I had no one to call, after all. My school was close by our apartment, so if I needed to talk to Misato, I could just walk home. She wouldn't answer the phone anyway. It's not like there was anyone else I'd ever need to speak to on a regular basis.

As I walked to school, I saw quite a few of my classmates walking along the same sidewalk. Most of them lived nearby, but there weren't many of them left. Most had already left the area, and the recent battle made even more leave. There was no reason to stay in a place where you were at risk, after all.

A group of them walked ahead of me, chatting avidly: about the recent battle, no doubt. They took no notice of me, not that I made it easier. I preferred to stay alone anyway. It made things simpler. I had long ago stopped longing for companionship. It wasn't for me. Still, I felt a small twang of jealousy whenever I saw these sorts of people. Why did they get to be happy, and not me?

_Stop. Just stop thinking. We're not going down that road again. _

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my SDAT player. I set it to track #25, and continued to walk.

Eventually, I reached the school. Classroom 2-A. I walked inside, my SDAT still playing. I took a seat at the front of the classroom, away from everyone. I looked around the classroom. People were talking excitedly all around, but I felt no urge to make my presence known. Almost everyone was sitting with someone else, save for one person. Ayanami sat alone, next to a window. She was staring outside, completely withdrawn. Her injured arm was now in a cast. I sat alone as well, and simply tuned out.

The lunch bell rang. Instead of sitting in the classroom with the other students, I walked outside. I climbed the staircase to the roof of the school. I lay down and stared upwards at the sky.

_So peaceful…everything looks so peaceful up there. Not like here. Why can't I just float away, like the clouds…_

After a while, Toji had shown up, and brought me back to Earth. Something always seemed to come to bring me back.

_Why can't I ever just be alone? Why does someone always have to come drag me back? What's wrong with being in my own world? It's better for everyone that way._

I stared upwards at nothing, simply staring, like always. Track #26 rang through my head. I could have been lying there for hours, or maybe only a few minutes, but eventually, a shadow was cast over my eyes. I turned, and saw a green school uniform skirt. Looking up, I saw that it was Ayanami. We looked at each other for a second, before she spoke. It was the first time I had ever heard her speak. Her voice was flat and monotonous, but it had an odd quality to it, just like the rest of her. Something about it was soothing.

"An emergency call. I'll go on ahead."

She turned away immediately, and ran away, down the stairs.

_An emergency? An Angel…?_


	7. Chapter 6: Battle

_Yay for rapid updates! I'm finally back on schedule after the long hiatus over the holidays. Thanks to all who stuck with me. I didn't give up, I'm definitely gonna see this through all the way to 4.0._

REBUILD OF

EVANGELION

1.35: Battle

"Entry procedure, initiated. LCL oxygenated."

I opened my eyes, and the lights came on in front of me. I was once again sitting in the Entry Plug.

_Why am I piloting this thing, even though my father's not here? _

I didn't feel any obligation towards these people. I didn't know why I even agreed to pilot this thing in the first place.

_So why, then? Why do I keep coming back here? I just caused pain by piloting anyway…_

The memory of Toji and his sister came to mind. His sister was hurt because I had no talent for piloting. I won simply by luck, but it wasn't a real victory. Not if someone gets hurt. And then because of my foolishness, I got hurt as well.

_Even though I got beat up…_

I heard a beeping from behind me; Misato's voice came through the speakers.

"Shinji-kun, are you ready to head out?"

_I am, but I don't really want to. But if I don't do it, no one else will, I guess. And they'll just get mad at me anyway._

"Yes," I replied.

"Listen to me," Ritsuko instructed, "Neutralize the enemy's AT Field, then fire a volley from the machine gun. Do it just like we practiced. Can you handle that?"

"Yes."

"LAUNCH!" Misato yelled.

The launch sequence initiated; I was catapulted up through the shaft. I completely cleared my mind as I went upwards, concentrating on nothing but the battle at hand. But the memory of Toji's sister kept coming back to me…

_It's too late to go back now…_

I came up in the center of Tokyo-3. As Ritsuko instructed, I concentrated on expanding my AT Field. This was the one part of piloting that came natural to me, I don't know how. But raising an AT Field was the only thing I could do without trouble.

"The AT Field has been deployed." Maya, a technician.

"Target in the center, pull the switch…" I whispered to myself.

"Do it just as planned, OK, Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko.

"Right," I said.

I turned sharply from the launch pad, and fired the machine gun I had been given. I didn't have time to get a good look at the Angel, I simply fired at what looked like the Angel without a second thought. Smoke from the impact hid the enemy from view soon after. I continued to fire, mind empty. Soon, the gun was out of ammo. And then…

_What the…?_

Whips of what looked like energy came flying from behind the smoke. I raised my arms to defend myself, but the force of the whip caused me to fall. My gun was sliced in two, and the entry elevator was destroyed.

"I'm sending you a spare rifle," Misato called, "Take it!"

I barely heard her. I was scared. I was shaking all over. This wasn't something I was meant to do. I wasn't cut out for it. I couldn't move.

"Shinji-kun? SHINJI-KUN!"

The Angel began to advance towards me, and for the first time, I could see it. It was similar to a centipede-like insect that was able to stand upright. It had two thin arms that the whips attached to. The entire body was red. Its most striking feature was its chest area. It appeared as if someone had removed the skin covering its ribcage, revealing a spinal cord and its ribs, which twitched. Its core was located directly above the ribcage, barely visible.

The Angel glided forward, to me. Its whips twitched menacingly as it moved. My fear grew with every second. It flung its whips at me, and I was barely able to spring out of the way. I did the only thing I could do. Run.

I ran as fast as I could, the Angel's whips mere inches from my back. The Angel's whips sliced down building after building as they came closer to me.

_Come on, come on! I can't die now! I'm not ready! I used to think that I wouldn't care if I died, but now that the moment is here…I'm not done yet! I don't want to die! _

I pushed harder, but the Angel's whips were faster. They sliced at my ankle, and tripped me up. I fell backwards.

_Oh, no…_

It sliced at me again rapidly, but none of the attacks seemed to do real damage. I was just pushed backwards.

_Did he miss?_

I heard a beeping behind me, and a countdown. The Entry Plug's lights turned red. Panic was all over my face.

"The umbilical cable has been severed." Aoba, a technician.

"Eva has switched to its internal battery source." Hyuga, another technician.

_Oh no. No! _

"4 minutes, 53 seconds of activation time remaining." Maya, the third technician.

I stumbled to my feet, shaking.

_I'm not finished…I've got five minutes. I can do this._

I heard the sound of the whips, and all of the sudden, I was thrown to the ground once again. The Angel had grabbed my ankle. It threw me backwards with more force than I could have imagined it possessed. I flew backwards, and landed on the side of a hill. If I had been afraid before, I was completely frozen by panic now. I shook violently; this was far too much. I was going to die here. I was going to die. I heard Misato calling my name, but I didn't register more than buzzing.

I looked up to face my enemy, and when I did, I saw small figures out of the corner of my eye.

_It couldn't be…_

I looked at them directly. It was. Between the fingers of my hand, cowered Toji and Kensuke.

_Oh, no. _

I couldn't make out their facial expressions on the viewscreen, but it was obvious they were terrified. And they were going to die because of me. Because I couldn't fight. Because I wasn't good enough. Because I just ran.

_No! What do I do! If I fight, they'll be crushed for sure; I can't see them well enough to avoid them up here. And if I run, they'll die. What do I do? Damn…it…_

The Angel advanced towards me. Its whips lashed out at me. I didn't have time to move, and I didn't want to hurt Toji or Kensuke by accident, either. I did the only thing I could. I caught the whips with my hands. They burned to the touch, but I endured. Once again, the flaw in the Eva's design, the fact that I felt the pain as well, angered me. But this time, I had a reason to endure. I couldn't just let them die.

"Unit 01 activation time remaining, 3 minutes, 28 seconds." Maya's voice.

"Shinji-kun, let them into the cockpit!" Misato instructed.

_That's right! If they're inside the Eva, I can fight without hurting them!_

"Once you've got them, make a temporary retreat. We'll regroup."

"Unit 01's remaining activation time, 3 minutes." Maya again.

_Will it be enough…?_

"Hold Eva on your current commands and eject the Entry Plug. Hurry up!"

I focused on the idea of ejecting, since everything was controlled by my thoughts. The lights went out in the Entry Plug, and I felt the pressure in my head go away. Misato's voice rang out over the speakers.

"You two! Get in! Hurry!"

I heard the hatch open and then close, and the splashing of the LCL.

"What the…it's water?" Toji's voice.

"My camera! My camera!" Kensuke.

_He brought his camera? Of course…_

As soon as they were inside, I pressed a button on the side of my chair, re-inserting the plug. The familiar pressure came back, and my hands were being burned once again. I held onto the whips as hard as I could.

_Wait…I can fight now!_

I pulled back on the whips, then threw them forward. I stood up, still shaking. The armour was burned off of my hands, revealing what looked like human flesh.

"Now! Retreat!" Misato yelled, "Recovery route 34, retreat to the east side of the mountain."

I wasn't listening.

_I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away…_

"Hey, new kid, she said, 'Retreat!'" Toji urged, "New kid!"

"I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away."

I looked up at my foe.

"I mustn't run away!"

I drew the knife from my shoulder pylon. The Evangelion's all-purpose weapon, the progressive knife. When I pulled it out, it began to vibrate. I stared at my foe, eyes glazed over.

"Obey my orders, Shinji-kun! You've got to retreat! Shinji-kun!"

I heard a beep behind me. The lights in the Entry Plug turned red. The timer had reached one minute. I screamed, and dashed for my enemy.

"AAAAAAAH!"

The Angel's whips lunged at me again, and I didn't even attempt to dodge. They pierced my armour, and went straight through my chest. I lunged forward and plunged the knife into its core. I continued to scream as loud as I could; all the frustration and anger and jealousy and loneliness and all of my other feelings that I had inside me came bursting forth, triggered by the sounding of that timer. Tears welled up in my eyes. I released it all into the attack.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The knife's vibrations grinded the inside of the core, but the Angel's whips began to wave back and forth in my chest, creating a similar effect. And I was running out of time. But I was oblivious to all of that. I pushed forward with both the Evangelion and my real body, screaming and crying. The timer reached 15 seconds. The viewscreen fizzled off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Finally, I heard cracking in the core, right as the Eva's timer hit 0. The lights went off. I stopped screaming. I cried.

Outside, I heard an explosion, but I didn't know what happened. I supposed that the Angel exploded, but I wasn't paying attention, nor did I care. I simply collapsed forward and cried. Tears fell from my face onto my arms. I hadn't cried in years; but I couldn't hold it in any longer. Everything, everything that had happened just overwhelmed me. And it all came back to him.

_Father, how could you do this to me? Father? FATHER! Mother…_

I cried until I was out of tears. Then I passed out. Darkness overtook my consciousness, and I rested. That was the only time I really could rest, anyway.


	8. Chapter 7: Loneliness

1.4: KODOKU (こどく)

"Why did you ignore my order?" Misato demanded.

I just looked at the changing room floor, clutching my water. I didn't want to respond. There was no reason, after all. Anything I said would just make her angry. It'd be better just to sit and wait it out. If you just sit and wait, adults always stop raging. They just get tired of it. But if I didn't say something, she'd think I was ignoring her. So I just acknowledged her, my face betraying no emotion whatsoever.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who's in charge of your operations, right?"

"Yes."

_But I'm the one in the Eva…I don't see YOU risking YOUR life. _

"You have a duty to obey my orders. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

_Just agree with all they have to say, and they'll leave me alone…_

"I'm warning you, never do it again."

"Yes."

"Do you really understand what I'm saying!?" She turned to look at me.

I almost chuckled. It was impossible to not understand. You're the boss, I'm the drone. I do what you say, everything gets done, we're all happy. Except me.

"Yes."

"Hey, you're not going to get out of this by just saying yes to everything I say!"

_I see. She's serious. I'm actually going to have to say something. Misato-san's…different from the rest. _

"I know that. That's enough, isn't it? We won the battle anyway."

She walked towards me and grabbed me by my collar of my shirt. She pulled me from my seat, so she was looking directly at my face. Her voice rose, she was noticeably angry now. But why, I couldn't understand.

_We won. It's over. Does it really matter how?_

"You know, it may seem easy to go along with whatever anyone else wants, but if you get into the Eva with that attitude, it'll kill you!"

_So now she cares if I live or die? Yeah, sure. I don't even care about that. All she cares about is killing the Angels. It's her job. They're all the same. Who cares if I live or die? Whatever happens, happens. No one will miss me after all. Ayanami will be healthy soon, so I can just die for all they'll care._

I turned my face away from her.

"I don't care."

Misato stood up. Her face fell. She seemed noticeably bothered by this. She let go, and I fell backwards onto my seat. I was actually surprised a little.

"It'd be nice if I could say that you've got the right attitude, but if you expect to get any praises out of me, you're wrong, Ikari Shinji-kun."

_Praise? What does that matter? It'd be hollow anyway. It's never sincere. My teacher gave me praise plenty of times, but I knew by the sound of his voice that it was just for show. Nothing I do is worthy of praise…_

"That's not the point. In any case, I'm the only one who can pilot it, aren't I?"

For the first time, I betrayed a hint of emotion. My eyes narrowed slightly, in sadness. They began to itch slightly.

"I'll do it."

"The next station is Nagao Toge, Nagao Toge. The exit will switch to the right side."

My SDAT switched to Track 26. I sat alone inside the crowded train. I was unaware of how long I had been gone. I wasn't aware of anything at all. I simply was. I sat alone; isolated; separate from the rest of the world, my mind blank. The train was crowded; there was barely any room to move. But no one took any notice of the forlorn looking fourteen year old boy sitting alone. No one cared. I was completely alone.

Slowly, people filed out of the train, a few at each stop. I didn't move. I wasn't going anywhere. I was just going wherever it took me. I was just running. Because I was a coward. A spineless, cowardly, selfish loser. And that was fine with me. No one cared what I felt like. They just used me for their own ends, then tossed me aside when I didn't work like they wanted.

My SDAT switched back to track 25. More people filed in, as others left. I was the only original passenger left on the train. Two girls dressed in school uniforms—I could only tell by their shoes; I wasn't looking up, I was staring at the floor—stood in front of me.

"Hey, you're kinda cute," one giggled.

"Yeah," the other one agreed, "What's your name?"

I didn't respond, of course. I was surprised I even heard them at all. I had no desire to respond. I supposed that a normal boy would be eager to respond, and try to "put the moves" on them, as Misato-san put it. Of course, I wasn't normal at all. It didn't matter to me. Why would I do something so stupid anyway? I'd only be hurt again. So why bother?

I pretended not to have heard them, and continued to sit. Alone.

We passed through a tunnel. My SDAT switched to track 26.

I don't know how long I sat. It could have been hours for all I knew. I sat, cycling between tracks 25 and 26, lost in my own world. Eventually, I was the only passenger on the train. When it stopped, a voice came over the speaker.

"Thank you for using Tokyo-3 Loop Seven. The train will be going out of service at this station. Please, take all of your belongings as you exit the train."

I looked up.

"I've got to go back."

My SDAT switched to track 26. I stood up and left the train.

"Hey there! We're offering you a great bargain!"

"Hot young babes serving heavenly refreshment!"

"Special services to heal your tired body, services to fill you with energy!"

_Pathetic…people are pathetic…why do people need others to fill the voids in their lives? Relations with other people just cause pain. They never make you feel better. Once it's over, you just feel worse. So why even try?_

I wandered through the city, streets filled with nightlife. I wasn't sure what city I was in. It didn't matter. I wandered aimlessly, trudging along the sidewalk, track 26 blaring in my ears. Lights danced in my eyes, neon signs were everywhere. I sped up.

It was getting dark. I looked up at the sky. Not a single star shone; the light from the city blocked it all out. The moon was visible, however. It looked so alone, separated from the stars. I stopped for a moment and stared at it. The bright red stain on its face seemed to sparkle.

_Blood…it looks like blood. I'd never thought of it that way before…_

I yawned. I realized now that I had stopped that I was exhausted. I looked up at a clock in the window of one of the stores. It was 3:30.

_I need to sleep..._

I wandered down the street, looking for a place where I could stay. I had gone a few blocks when I realized that I had no money.

_Dammit…_

I yawned again. I could barely walk. I trudged down the street, until I came to an alley in between two buildings. It was dark, but I could see it didn't go too far back. I walked down the alley, and sat down against the wall.

_I guess I'll sleep here…_

Some old cardboard lay next to me. I picked it up, and covered myself with it. I lay down, track 25 filling my ears. I was tired. I wanted to sleep. And if I was lucky, I wouldn't wake up.

_I'm so pathetic…_

I awoke. I was cold. The batteries in my SDAT had ran out.

_Dammit._

I stood up, shaking.

_Where do I go now? Where do I have TO go?_

I walked out of the alley, and began to walk aimlessly along the sidewalk again. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. I just walked.

I looked up at the sky again. The sun wasn't visible; the sky was covered in clouds. A low fog hung over the distance. I continued along the sidewalk. I walked for hours. I soon began seeing signs warning me of a dead end. I continued to walk forward.

After a while, I saw what the signs were warning me of. Ahead of me stood a half-finished bridge, construction equipment strewn all over. The end of the bridge was jagged, and loomed high above the ground below. I walked out to the end of the bridge. A familiar blankness came over my mind.

_I want to die._

I stood, facing the edge.

_I have nothing. Who would care if I just took this last step? People would be better off. They don't need me. No one does._

I looked down. I couldn't see the bottom; it was obscured by fog.

_I've wanted to die for a long time. And now I have a chance. I may as well just take it. Whatever's waiting out there couldn't be worse than what I have here…_

I took a deep breath. I smiled. I lifted my foot off the ground.

_/Ikari-kun?/_

I pulled my foot back.

_No. This isn't right. _

My smile faded; tears welled up in my eyes.

_I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm so worthless, that I can't even end my life. I'm weak, spineless, a coward. And if I were to end it now, then I'd just hurt more people. Because, at least for now, they need me. Maybe not for much longer, but for now, they need me. I can't end it yet…_

Tears flowed freely from my eyes. I slumped down against a nearby crate and cried.

_I'm so pathetic…_


	9. Chapter 8: You Are Not Alone

_Short chapter this time. I can't believe I'm over halfway done. It's incredible, really. I never thought I'd actually get over 2500 views on this site...or even get this far. One last hurdle: Yashima. Then we're done with 1.0. (Note to those 9 who viewed this before I messed with it: I had formatting issues, so I had to fix something._

REBUILD OF

EVANGELION:

1.45: YOU ARE (NOT) ALONE

I awoke.

_Dammit._

"You are Ikari Shinji-kun, aren't you?"

I looked up. Standing in front of me were five stern looking men in black suits. Obviously Nerv personnel. They must have woken me up.

_They've come to take me back…finally. I can't take this anymore._

"Yes."

"We're Nerv Security Intelligence. Under Article 8 of the Security Act, we're taking you to headquarters."

"It's fine. Please, take me to where Misato-san is!"

_Why do I want to go back there? I'm miserable there too…but I suppose anything is better than where I am now. And there's still something about Misato-san…maybe she does want to help. Maybe I was wrong not to trust her. I just don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be alone anymore. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I hate the feeling of having everyone around me happy, but I myself just want to die. I can't take it anymore. But most of all, I hate myself._

I sat in a dark room. No light came in. It was a holding cell, I supposed. I sat on a small stool against the wall, the Nerv logo painted on the wall behind me. I sat there, not thinking at all, just praying that Misato-san would come in to talk to me.

I probably sat there for hours before I heard footsteps outside the door. I made no movement, but inwardly, I was happy. The door opened, and light flooded into the room. Misato stood in the light, looking over at me.

"Do you feel better after wandering around, Ikari Shinji-kun?"

_No. Now that I know that I hate being alone, I feel worse. Because I am still alone. Even though I'm around other people, they don't care about me. All this has done is shown me just how pathetic I am. And I had to come back. If I didn't, everyone would die. I have to pilot Eva, at least for now. Ayanami can't do it yet. So they need me._

"Not really. I don't care what happens to me. I don't have any freedom anyway. It seems like I have no choice but to pilot Eva. That's the reason Father called me. It's fine. I'll pilot it. It's for everyone, so I'm fine."

Misato looked down at me, a saddened look on her face.

"Everyone? What about you?"

"I know it doesn't matter. I'm certain everyone knows that. But injured Ayanami, you, and Father…"

Her voice rose again.

"CUT THAT OUT! WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!"

I looked up, shocked. No one had ever gone that far before. And deep down, I knew that I was just making excuses.

_But still…if I do things for myself, people will just reject me, like always. If I just go along with them, I may not be altogether happy, but people at least won't hate me…_

Misato's voice went softer again. She turned from me, and looked at the floor.

"To continue piloting is your decision. If you don't like it here, go back to your old life. Do whatever you want. It's fine."

_I don't want to go back there. I know that now for sure. I can't go back. And I mustn't run away._

I pulled my arm back, and then let it fly at Toji's cheek. When I pulled it back, I saw that he was bleeding slightly from the mouth. A bruise was beginning to form over his tan skin. I was surprised that I could hit so hard.

"Ouch," Kensuke exclaimed.

Toji looked up at me and smiled. Kensuke did the same.

_I feel weird… These guys…Toji…he felt bad about hitting me? So he asked me to hit him back? No one's ever treated me like this before. Is this what friendship feels like?_

I looked up at them, and smiled back.

_Maybe…maybe I can finally not be alone anymore._


	10. Chapter 9: Red Eyes

1.5: AKAI METSUKI （赤いめつき）

"Why does my father need me to do this?" I wondered aloud.

I stood outside the door to Ayanami's apartment, Room 402. Everything about the apartment building was squalid, from the trash littering the floors to the numerous broken windows. I was shocked that anyone even lived in this building anymore, especially a fourteen year old girl. But sure enough, the door in front of me had a tarnished nameplate that read "Ayanami," so I knew I was in the right place.

The mail slot on the door was completely full and overstuffed; obviously, Ayanami didn't care about her mail. She wouldn't get it if I left it there, so I pressed on the doorbell button twice. No sound came from the inside.

_I came all this way, and Father will be made at me if Rei can't come to her re-activation test later today, so I'd better find some way to get it to her…_

I tried the door handle, and I was shocked to find that it was unlocked.

_Odd…oh well. I guess I'll leave the card on a desk or something._

I opened the door, and peered inside.

"Excuse me!" I called.

No answer.

"Excuse me, it's Ikari." I called again.

I stepped inside hesitantly.

"Ayanami, I'm coming in." I called once again, in case she could hear.

I took my shoes off gingerly. The front door opened to the kitchen, which was filled with dirty dishes. Dirty footprints covered the floor. I tiptoed forward into the room ahead, which I supposed was her bedroom.

_I'll leave the card he…wow. Is this really a girl's room?_

If the rest of the apartment building had been dirty, this was even worse. Trash, clothes, and bandages littered the floor. The room was unlit; the light bulb was burned out. The only light came from cracks in the window curtains. Her school uniform was haphazardly scattered on her bed—which was unmade—and the pillow was covered in blood. A revolving hangar hung above her bed with undergarments suspended from it. A box filled with bloody bandages sat next to a refrigerator with what looked to be medicine on top, and a bag of trash hanging from the side.

_How could ANYONE live in this filth? Not even Misato is this bad!_

The only clean thing in the room was a small dresser by the window. It was short and wooden, and the top drawer was slightly open, revealing more undergarments. On top of it sat a few books, and a pair of glasses. Curious, I walked closer. As I approached the dresser, I saw that the glasses were cracked.

"Are these hers?"

I don't know why, but I decided to pick them up and put them on. They fit my head strangely well.

_These must be HIS._

I heard the sliding of a door behind me. Shocked, I turned around. My vision was blurred, due to the cracked glasses, but I could make out a figure in front of me with blue hair. A nude figure, covered only by a towel. It was Ayanami.

_Oh no! Oh my god, this can't be happening._

My insides squirmed, my face contorted as I tried to muster an explanation. She began to walk quickly towards me. I stepped back, embarrassed and scared. My legs ran into the dresser. Ayanami continued to approach, until she was standing directly in front of me. She reached forward and removed the glasses from my hand. Surprised, I tried to continue to go backwards, but the dresser was in my way. I slipped, and began to fall forward. I reached out for support, and grabbed onto Rei as I fell, knocking her over as well. I heard a crash; the strap of my book bag had caught on the top drawer's knob, and its contents spilled all over the floor.

The next thing I knew, I was staring directly into Ayanami's eyes. They were a piercing red.

_Red…Red eyes. They're…beautiful. But they seem so far away._

For what seemed like a long while, we stared at each other. I couldn't tell how long it was. Eventually, however, I heard Ayanami speak for the first time.

"Do you mind moving?" she said shortly.

Her voice snapped me back to reality. I realized where I was. I was lying on top of her. And she was nude.

I jumped up sharply, thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed. As she stood up, I backed up to give her room. I averted my eyes from her body, even though I had an overpowering desire to look. She turned around and walked to her bed, where she began to dress herself in front of me.

_Huh? Doesn't she have ANY MODESTY? No girl would be like this. This is just crazy! And I can't believe that happened…how embarrassing. She'll hate me forever._

"What is it?" Once again, her voice interrupted my thoughts.

I turned away from her, and began to attempt to explain myself, but the words wouldn't come out.

"Well, I mean…I was…"

I turned to look at her, and saw that she was still getting dressed. Embarrassed, I turned again.

"I was asked to, so…"

My hand twitched behind my back. Sweat trickled down my face. I was blushing bright red.

"What was it? Card! Your card! It's been renewed! I was asked to…deliver…it…"

I found that my mouth was full of saliva. I nervously swallowed, still unable to turn around.

"So…so I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

I paused, before continuing. I heard the click of a case of some kind behind me.

"Misato told me that my father wanted me to deliver it to you…it's true! I rang your bell, but there was no reply, and the door was unlocked. So…

_A feeble excuse. She's not going to believe me…How can I ever face her again?_

I heard the door open and then close.

_She's gone…oh no! I never gave her the card, and she's got to be headed to Nerv HQ…Dammit…I'm so ashamed._

I turned around, and followed her out. As I left, I saw that the glasses had been put neatly away inside a black case.

_My father's…_


	11. Chapter 10: The Love of a Father

REBUILD OF

EVANGELION:

1.55: The Love of a Father

I followed Ayanami along the streets of Tokyo-3, not speaking. Ayanami walked briskly towards Nerv HQ, not acknowledging my presence in any manner. When we got to the train, she sat down immediately. I began to sit down next to her, but I glanced at her face. Her eyes didn't even flicker to look at my face. It was unnerving. I decided to sit a few seats away.

_What's her problem? She's like a robot! _

I looked over at her, and saw that she was still staring at the exact same spot that she was when we sat down. She hadn't moved an inch.

When the train stopped, we filed out and continued to walk in the same manner until we reached the security doors. Rei walked briskly to the door, and slid her card through the receptor, but the door didn't open. She slid it again, with the same mechanical movement I'd observed this whole time.

_Oh, I'd better give her the card. _

I walked forward and slid her new card through the receptor, and the door promptly opened. I held it out to her.

"This is your new card. Ritsuko-san asked me to deliver it to you."

For the first time, she actually looked at me. She stood for a second, looking at me, before snatching the card quickly from my hand, and then going on ahead.

_She really is odd. She didn't so much as thank me for delivering the card! Well, actually, I suppose it's natural that she wouldn't want to look at me, after what happened. _

I followed ahead, still about five steps behind.

After a while, we came to one of the large escalators in Nerv HQ. It seemed to be moving at a snail's pace, and standing anywhere near Ayanami was embarrassing. I prayed for the escalator to move faster.

_She's certainly strange; most girls would have slapped me or something after that. Maybe she realizes that it was an accident, and she's just embarrassed. I guess I'll just apologize, and her reaction should tell me what she's really thinking._

"I'm sorry about earlier."

She didn't turn, and just responded in the same monotone.

"About what?"

_WHAT? That makes NO SENSE? Is she honestly not aware that it's embarrassing for a boy to see a girl naked?_

I remained silent for a while, before I decided to change the subject.

"You have a re-activation experiment today, don't you?"

No response. Every second I spent around her simply became more and more awkward.

"Wouldn't it be great if it were successful this time?"

Still no response.

_Maybe she does hate me, and just doesn't want to talk to me. But still, for some reason I want to keep talking to her. It's a bizarre feeling, but she seems familiar. _

"Say, aren't you afraid of getting in Unit 00 again?"

_Maybe she'll respond to an actual question…_

"Why?"

_Why? She was hospitalized for weeks after the last one, and in lots of pain! She's crazy!_

"I heard that you were hurt pretty badly in an earlier experiment, so I was wondering if you were okay about it."

_Maybe I'm getting too personal, but at least she's responding. At this point, nothing I say could be more offensive than what just happened._

"Aren't you Commander Ikari's son?"

That was a response I wasn't expecting.

_Why does that matter?_

"Yeah."

"Don't you have faith in your own father's work?"

_What the…_

"Of course not! How could I trust him?"

She turned around and looked at me. Her expression changed for the first time, it actually appeared irritated. She stared at me for a few seconds, unmoving. The escalator reached the bottom floor.

"What?"

Her expression became even more irritated, and then she pulled her hand back and slapped me. She looked at me once more, before turning to walk away. I reached up and touched the spot on my cheek where I had been slapped. It stung. She slapped hard.

_Huh? Why does she care that I hate my father? My father's a horrible person! How could she ever defend him?_

I stood with Misato, watching the re-activation through a window. It was my first look at Unit 00, as well. The unit was similar in appearance to my Unit 01, but Unit 00 was colored orange, with white stripes on the arms and white patches on its chestplate and where its ears would be. Its head was more like a traditional robot, and less humanoid than Unit 01. Unit 01's face—aside from the horrible thing I saw after the battle with the first Angel; I had forced myself to forget that—was very human-like, while Unit 00's was less angular and refined, with a single red eye in the center, as opposed to Unit 01's two. Unit 00 also lacked a mouth. It was clear that Unit 00 was the prototype of the Evangelion series.

_But then why is Unit-01 a Test Type? It seems to work fine, _I wondered

My father's voice shook me from my thoughts. It came in through the speakers set up all throughout the area.

"We will now commence the Unit 00 re-activation experiment. First stage contact initiated."

The atmosphere became immediately tense, as the experiment began. Misato and I watched with held breath as the technical readouts were read off as the experiment progressed.

"Connecting main power supply." -Ritsuko.

"Activation voltage has passed the critical point." –Maya

"Roger. Shift format to Phase 2." –Ritsuko

"Connecting pilot to Unit 00." –Aoba

"Opening circuits." –Another technician

"Pulse and harmonics normal."

"No problems detected in synchronization. All nerve links completed."

_So far, so good. Please, please work._

"Central nervous system elements are nominal."

"Re-calculating, no error corrections."

"Checklist is satisfactory up to 2590."

I didn't understand anything that they were talking about, and I could gather that Misato didn't, either. But their voices sounded calm, at least, so I guessed everything was going OK.

"Approaching the absolute borderline."-Maya

_Here's where it went wrong last time…please, work this time!_

"2.5 more."

"1.7, 1.2, 1.0," Maya counted down to the point of no return. It would either work, or it wouldn't.

_Come on…_

"0.8, 0.6,"

_Come on…_

"0.5, 0.4, 0.3, 0.2,"

_COME ON!_

"0.1, and rising. Borderline cleared."

I exhaled my held breath, and I heard Misato do the same. It worked.

"Unit 00 has been activated."

"Roger, beginning interlock test." Rei's voice. She sounded completely calm, as always.

"Roger."

I looked over at Misato, she was smiling. I smiled as well. She was going to be OK.

I turned and walked out of the observation room, and headed for the changing room. I thought that I'd wait outside for Rei, to congratulate her.

I sat there for not even a minute before the alarm began to blare. An officer ran through the hallway to me, yelling.

"The Sixth Angel is approaching! Unit 01 is to be deployed immediately!"

_What? No! Not now…I'm not ready for another battle yet. Oh well, it was going to happen soon enough._

I sat once again in the Entry Plug, preparing to battle yet another unknown foe. Another Angel.

_But this Angel is the sixth…but this is only the third one that I've faced. There must have been three other Angels before this…but how did they defeat them without an Eva?_

I was shaken from my thoughts, as always, by the launch process.

"Releasing primary lock bolts."

"Release confirmed," I responded, now familiar with the process.

"Roger. Releasing secondary restraints."

I looked up, and saw that Ayanami stood alone on the walkway, staring at me.

_She's so strange, but she's so beautiful…it's bizarre. _

"Roger. The target is now intruding into Lake Ashino airspace."

"Eva Unit 01 is ready for launch."

"Launch!" Misato yelled.

The familiar sensation of being catapulted came over me again; I was beginning to become accustomed to the launch process. As I rose, I heard Aoba's voice, sounding entirely confused.

"We're detecting a high energy reaction from inside the target!"

"What?!" Misato screamed.

"The circumference area is accelerating! It's converging!"

"It can't be!" Ritsuko gasped.

I reached the top of the shaft, and the locks disengaged. As soon as I stood on my own, I heard Misato's voice.

"No, dodge it!" she yelled.

I frantically looked around for the source of the panic; I didn't see anything. All of the sudden, a bright light enveloped the area, and a large sheet of metal had sprung from the ground in front of me. A piercing ringing blasted in my ears.

_What the hell?_

The sheet of metal in front of me was quickly melted to nothing. Whatever the thing was in front of me fired a beam of energy at me, which impacted my chest with the force of twenty elephants. It burned white-hot to the touch, and continued to push. It was burning a hole in my chest. Pain shot through my body; pain as such that I had never felt before. The LCL that filled the plug began to boil. I screamed in pain, screamed like I never had before. I couldn't take it. Suddenly, the pain vanished, and everything became white. I closed my eyes, and knew no more.


	12. Chapter 11: The Purpose of Nerv

_The first heavily-diverging chapter, as well as a chapter I heavily edited dialogue in. Sorry for the late update, I've been busy. And this was a really involved chapter to write. _

1.6: NERV NO MOKUTEKI (ネルフの目的)

I sat on a train. It felt familiar, like something out of a dream. The train was completely nondescript and average in every way. It was moving rapidly, but to where I neither knew nor cared. Outside was nothing but orange, the color of LCL. I sat still, unmoving. It felt as if the only things that existed were this train, myself, the small boy sitting across from me, and the girl standing off to the side, clutching a bag. The boy sitting across from me was also me. Myself from many years ago; from when HE abandoned me. Ayanami was also there. She spoke to me in a soft voice. It was comforting, like that of a loved one.

"Why are you here?" she asked softly.

"Because I ran away."

"Why did you run?"

"Because I hate piloting Eva."

"Why?"

I found myself pouring out my feelings to her, as if to release everything that had been boiling up inside of me until now.

"Because I thought that if I piloted Eva, I would be praised. But no one praises me, even if I do pilot it."

"So?"

"If I don't pilot it, I'm not needed."

I heard bells from the inside of the train, the bells that sound as the train reaches its stop.

"So what then?"

"There's nothing left for me to do but to die a horrible death."

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"No! If I could change things, I would be able to leave this place, and leave these thoughts behind!"

"Could you simply run away from bad things and continue to live?"

"Live? No one is behind me, not my father or Misato...I can't help but want to live. But if I don't pilot, I'm not needed."

"So?"

"So I won't pilot Eva. I won't pilot it ever again."

As I said this, the train began to become fuzzy. It twisted and turned, and I could no longer see Ayanami. I wondered aloud, as the colors shifted and turned to black.

"But how can I…"

I awoke. A feeling of warmth was my first impression. A bright light hit my eyes as I opened them groggily. I blinked a few times until my eyes adjusted. I realized that I was in a bed, clad in new clothes. The same bed that I had woken up in each time after passing out.

_I hate this place. _

I heard breathing to my side, and was surprised to see Ayanami standing over my bedside, standing in front of a laden breakfast tray. She looked down at me, her face blank.

"Ayanami…?"

"I'm here to brief you on the timetable of Operation Yashima, which will begin tomorrow at 00:00 hours."

_An operation…they expect me to pilot again. But I won't. I'm not going to._

She reached into her skirt pocket, and withdrew a book.

"Pilots Ikari and Ayanami will arrive at the cage at 17:30 today."

_Damn, I knew it._

"At 18:00, Units 01 and 00 will activate. Launch is at 18:05. They will arrive at the temporary base on Mt. Futago at 18:30. There, they will stand by and wait for further orders. The operation will begin promptly at midnight."

She closed her book and replaced it in her pocket. She reached down and picked something up from the ground. It made a squeaking sound as it moved. It landed on my chest. I looked down, and with dismay, I saw that it was a new plugsuit.

"Here's a new one," Rei said, in her customary monotone.

I sat up, and looked directly at her.

"Don't show up looking half-asleep like that."

I looked down, and realized that my underwear were on full display. Embarrassed, I pulled the sheets up around me, and grabbed my legs; a familiar position for me. I looked at the floor, cheeks burning.

"Sorry…"

I paused, before continuing.

"All I've been doing since yesterday is apologizing…"

I looked over at her, and my eyes fell upon the breakfast tray.

"Your meal."

I was starving; I hadn't eaten since the previous day's lunch. However, I wasn't in the mood to eat, and I certainly didn't want to eat in front of her. I just looked away.

"I don't want to eat anything."

"We'll be departing in sixty minutes," Rei continued.

"Do I…have to pilot that thing again?" I wondered aloud.

"Yes, you do."

_But I don't want to! I said I wouldn't, and I won't! I won't pilot Eva ever again. _

This thought became the only thought in my head, and I began to make excuses, even though I knew they were feeble.

"I don't want to. Maybe you can be so cool about it, because you haven't had the kind of experiences I've had yet. I don't want to go through that again."

_But I know that's not true. Ayanami has had just as traumatic of experiences as me, and she's still going to pilot. I'm just a selfish wimp._

"Then, why don't you stay in bed?" Ayanami asked.

I looked up, shocked.

"Stay in bed?"

"I'll pilot Unit 01."

_She'd really…do that?_

"Dr. Akagi is already prepared to rewrite Unit 01's personal data files."

_So they even EXPECT me not to pilot it!_

"Ritsuko-san is…"

"I'm leaving. Captain Katsuragi and Dr. Akagi will be waiting at the cage."

I looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her give me one last look. I saw a trace of emotion. She looked sad.

I jerked up, and called after her.

"Hey, wait!"

She turned one last time.

"Goodbye."

The door slid closed behind her. And I lay in bed, alone.

I didn't know what time it was. It could have been days for all I knew, or cared. I stood somewhere in the hospital, leaning against a ledge, looking at the floor below. I had tried to fall asleep, but I was too angry and upset, so I just wandered. I wished I could clear my mind like I used to, but it was impossible. There was too much. People actually needed me to do something. And I wouldn't do it. Because I was too afraid for my own life.

_I'm pathetic. A spineless, selfish, pathetic loser. All I've learned since I got here was that I care about living, which has made things worse. I don't want to die, so now I won't risk my life for them. But they need me. Ayanami can't do it alone. But I'm too afraid. And I said I won't pilot again. I won't. They can't make me._

I continued to stand there, contemplating these thoughts. After what felt like days, I heard footsteps. Someone was coming towards me.

_Who…? Ayanami again?_

I looked up. It was Misato. She wore a pitying expression as she walked to my bedside and sat down.

"Hello, Ikari Shinji-kun."

I didn't respond. I just looked away.

"Do you feel better? You were in critical condition for a while. I was worried about you."

_No you weren't. You were just worried about your job._

"The Sixth Angel has begun drilling into Nerv HQ. We need you to pilot Eva again."

I gave a sigh of disapproval, and continued to look away. Misato sighed heavily.

"So you've decided to stay here, right?"

I don't know what came over me, but I felt that I needed to tell the truth. I screamed out the essence of everything I'd been carrying all this time.

"I'm scared! Misato-san, you and the others are fine. You just give orders. And I'm stuck being scared! It's alright for you and everyone else!"

I breathed heavily, and turned to look at her. A look of sadness spread over her face. She looked determinedly at me.

"Come with me for a moment."

…_? What? Where is she going to take me?_

I decided that I had no choice but to follow, so I turned and followed.

We were in an elevator that I had never seen before. Misato had been forced to slide her security card in order for it to open. The inside was dimly lit. The numbers on the floor level panel continued to get lower and lower.

_Where is she taking me?_

"Shinji-kun, what do you know about Second Impact?"

_Huh? That's random._

"Erm…in the year 2000, a meteorite struck Antarctica, and the ice melted. It caused the water levels to rise far too high, and changed the climate all over the world. The meteorite was made of a foreign element, which turned the oceans red when it dissolved. Nerv is here to fight off the Angels, avoiding a 'Third Impact.'"

Misato smirked.

"I see. The intelligence division did its job well."

_What?_

She turned and looked at me intently.

"Shinji-kun. Second Impact was not caused by a meteorite. Fifteen years ago, Second Impact was caused by the discovery of the First Angel, Adam, in the Antarctic. When the expedition came into contact with Adam, an explosion happened. That is the true cause of Second Impact."

I gasped, shocked. That couldn't be. It didn't make sense. But, nothing here made sense anyway.

I didn't respond, and Misato didn't say anything. We just continued our descent.

_But, what does that have to do with right now? If contact with an Angel would cause Third Impact, it should have happened already. _

The elevator began to pick up speed. The little lighting there was in the elevator turned yellow. I was beginning to get anxious.

_We've got to be miles under the Geofront by now…what are they keeping down here?_

The floor level marker began to flip faster. The background on the numbers was replaced by a red one. The elevator began to finally slow down, and the markers stopped. They read, "LE-EE."

_We're here…_

The elevator door opened, revealing a small passageway lit by dim red light. It ended not far from where it began, with a large, nondescript wall. Misato stepped out of the elevator, and I followed close behind. She walked slowly, as if walking to a funeral. When we finally reached the end, I saw a small terminal by the wall, with a place for Misato to slide her card. A small screen read "CENTRAL DOGMA" in large red letters, with "FINAL GATE/LOCKED" underneath, in smaller letters. I realized that the wall must be a door.

"Shinji-kun…"

She paused, and looked at me.

"Fifteen years ago, Second Impact occurred. We're trying to prevent Third Impact from happening."

"Yeah, I know."

I felt a sense of foreboding as Misato continued.

"We at Nerv don't want anyone else to die in an explosion incident. But, what could cause Third Impact is right here."

The foreboding was replaced by fear. I began to dread whatever was on the other side of the door.

"And this is it!" Misato said simply.

She raised her card and swiped it through the terminal. I heard a beep, as the letters became green and read "UNLOCKED." A loud rumbling filled my ears, as the doors slowly opened. As it opened, I saw that it was a very thick door, and it opened in all four directions. Long red screws protruded from the edges.

_What the hell are they…_

After an eternity, the door opened enough to allow me to see what it was. And when the door was open, and I saw what was there, I wanted to faint. My eyes opened wide, and I felt weak in the knees. My heart raced.

"This is…Eva?"

Standing in front of me was an enormous red cross, inside a sea of reddish-orange liquid. I recognized the liquid as LCL. However, this wasn't what my eyes were drawn to. On the cross, crucified, was a white giant. It was the size of an Eva, but snow-white. Its face was very similar to that of the first Angel I fought; an owl-like, nondescript, tan face with black eyes. The rest of its head was exactly like a human's, but white. Its palms were impaled by enormous nails. There was an enormous jagged scar in its chest, and sticking out from the center of its breasts was an enormous red spear. But even that wasn't its most striking feature. Where its legs should have been, instead was a large, bubbling mass. Vaguely human-shaped and human-sized legs protruded from this mass. They twitched every few seconds. The whole effect was horrifying. I felt like throwing up.

"No. This is the source of all life, the true First Angel, Lilith." Misato said solemnly.

"Lilith…?"

"Right. If an Angel were to come into contact with her, she would cause Third Impact. That's why you have to battle in Eva. That's why we do what we can. To protect humanity's future."

_So it all comes back to me._

"But why do I need to go through such pain?"

Her voice lowered, and became compassionate.

"You don't need a reason. You decide your fate. But, Shinji-kun…"

She paused before continuing.

"You are not alone in fighting. Everyone is with you."

I felt a light touch on my hand. She slowly wrapped her hand around mine, and gripped it tight. I returned the gesture, hesitantly.

_Misato…thank you. I won't run away. _

"…I'll pilot it one more time."


	13. Chapter 12: The Choice One Makes

REBUILD OF

EVANGELION: 1.65

The Choice One Makes

I stood with Misato, Ritsuko, and Rei at the temporary base on Mt. Futago. On the way in, I had marveled at the base's setup; the entire mountain was covered in electric equipment. For them to have put it together in mere hours was astounding. The base itself was workable, but it gave of the distinct impression of being a rushed effort, due to time constraints. Large lights were all over the base, as it was pitch dark outside. It was almost midnight. The operation would begin in less than an hour.

"This thing wasn't built for field operations," I said, gesturing at the positron rifle, the weapon I was to use. It appeared to be little more than an Eva-sized sniper rifle, except for the fact that it dozens of electrical wires connected to it.

"Will it really work?"

"There's no choice. This is a makeshift solution," Ritsuko replied briskly.

"So it'll be OK?"

"Theoretically, yes." She paused. "However, we won't know if the cannon barrel and accelerator will hold until we try firing it. This is the first time it's been fired with such a high power output."

_So it might not work? Why can't they ever be sure of anything…?_

Misato was the only one who appeared confident. On the contrary, she was the picture of confidence. She stood, facing the rifle, hands on her hips. She gave orders briskly, and with purpose.

"Here are your individual duties for the operation. Shinji-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Your Unit 01 will be the gunner."

"Yes."

_I expected that. They seem to have much more confidence in Unit 01 than Unit 00._

"Rei, you're in charge of defense with Unit 00."

"Yes," she replied in her normal tone.

"This is because Shinji-kun has a higher synch ratio with Unit 01, and this operation will require exceptional precision. Since the positron beam will be influenced by Earth's gravity, magnetic fields, and rotation, it will not fire in a straight line. You must remember to make adjustments for these deviations. You MUST penetrate the core precisely," Ritsuko explained.

_Huh? I don't know how to do any of that!  
_

"But…I've never practiced this!"

"Don't worry," she reassured, "Just do what the manual says. When the indicators converge in the center, pull the trigger. The computers will handle the rest. Also, once you fire it, it will take some time before you can fire again, for cooling, reloading, and replacement of the fuses."

"Then, if I miss, and the enemy shoots back…"

"Don't think about unnecessary things right now. Just think about destroying it in one shot."

_So, it's crisis time…_

"I…"

Rei's voice. I turned to look at her. She was standing off, away from everyone else, as usual.

"I just need to defend Unit 01, correct?"

"That's right," Ritsuko answered.

"Understood."

"It's time. Both of you, get changed," Misato instructed.

"Yes, Ma'am."

------

I sat on the bench in the changing room, thinking back on everything that had happened. My life had been so simple a few months ago. Nothing I did had meaning, but at least no one depended on me to do anything. But now…now I was preventing the apocalypse. It was scary. On the outside, I showed little emotion, but I was terrified inside.

I pushed the button on my wrist which tightened the plug suit, and sat there, waiting for her to finish. The plug suit was as uncomfortable as always, but I didn't notice much this time. I was too preoccupied.

_Is she scared too? She looks so calm. Just the same as always…_

I glanced over at her. I could only see her shadow, due to the thin wall that dropped down to protect our privacy. She was still changing her clothes, so I looked down again.

"We…we might die doing this…"

"Why do you say that?"

_She really…isn't scared…how?_

I heard the air go out of her plug suit, so I knew she was finished changing as well. I still didn't look up, however.

"You won't die."

_What?_

Startled, I turned to look at her.

"Because I'll protect you."

_Wow…is she really prepared to die?_

_------_

It was nearly time. From where I sat, I saw all of the lights in the distance suddenly fade to black. Nothing was visible outside of the base. A deathly calm seemed to have overcome everything.

We sat by the makeshift launch station for the Evas, looking out at the blackness. I sat with my legs crossed, while Ayanami was sitting with her arms around her legs. We sat, unspeaking, for a long time, before I decided to ask her something that had been bothering me for a long time. I turned slightly, to look at her.

"Why…do you pilot this thing?" I asked her, hesitantly.

_I pilot this thing because I have to, and because my father needs me to. But what reason could she possibly have for piloting it?_

"Because I'm bound," she replied.

"Bound?"

"Yes, it's a bond."

I turned and looked back out at the blackness.

"With my father?"

"With all people."

_I don't think I'll ever understand her…but how is she not afraid? I expected her to have a good answer, something that would make her behavior make sense, but I'm confused now. She's more likely to die than I am, but she's not even showing any fear at all…why?_

"You're very strong, Ayanami."

"Because I have nothing else."

"What do you mean, 'you have nothing else'?"

She stood up, obviously not going to answer.

"It's time. Let's go."

She stared out at the blackness, illuminated by the full moon behind her. Her beauty was striking, with her blue hair illuminated by the pale moonlight. Her white plugsuit seemed to reflect the light.

"Goodbye," she said simply.

_She really does mean to die…_

_------_

I was sitting in the Entry Plug, waiting for the operation to begin. Now that I was sitting there, I felt much calmer than before. The feeling of the LCL seemed to ease my anxiety slightly.

I was laying on the ground, in sniping position, about to face my enemy. Misato had shown me a recording of the encounter. The Angel was little more than two crystalline blue pyramids attached together by their bases, although this wasn't its only form. When it fired its energy beam at me before, for that was what it was, it changed form into a series of levitating squares floating above one another, with its core suspended in the center. When it increased the beam's power, it shifted into the form of six thin triangles, one coming from its top, bottom, left, right, front and back, with a smaller diamond in front of the base of each. Small beams came out of each diamond and converged on the diamond in the front, which fired forward into a more powerful beam. I was sure that these weren't its only forms, either.

The timer in the corner of the viewscreen reached 0, and a beeping sound blared over the speakers.

"Commencing operation," Hyuga announced.

_Here we go…_

"Shinji-kun, we're entrusting you with all the electricity of Japan. Good luck."

_Thank you, Misato. I won't mess up this time._

"Yes!"

"Initiate primary connection."

"Initiating power transmission from districts 1 through 803."

I heard a low humming from all sides. All of Japan's electricity was being redirected here, into this rifle.

"Number one transmission system normal."

"No problem with hub synchronizer output."

"All transmission induction systems activated."

"Conversion efficiency staying within estimated values."

"Voltage is rising. Reaching pressure zone."

"All cooling systems, full power!" Hyuga again.

"Electron condenser system normal."

"Auxiliary system activated."

"Temperature stable. No problems detected."

_Seems like it's a really complex operation here…I can't believe they set this up in just a few hours…_

"Positron charge is nominal."

"Initiate secondary connection!" Misato.

"All accelerators engaging."

"Activate convergence unit!" Maya.

"Release the final safety systems." Misato

"Clear the chamber!" Hyuga.

That was my cue. I pulled back on the loading bar, opening what would have been the chamber for the bullet on a normal gun. A charge of some sort was lifted up and into the chamber. I pushed forward. It clicked into place. The sniping headset came down over my eyes. An overlay of the target along with the crosshairs and coordinates was displayed in front of me.

"Error correction for Earth's rotation and gravity is plus 0.0009. Voltage is 0.2 percent short of critical."

The hum grew louder. All of the wires littering the ground began to smoke.

"Seventh and final connection engaged!" Hyuga.

"All photo-electron fuses, commence convergence!"

"Transmitting all energy to the positron rifle!"

"Ready to fire!" I called.

Now, the operation began. Nerv had forced the JSSDF to muster all of their artillery for this operation. And it was nothing more than cannon fodder. Misato was going to have them fire upon the Angel to distract it from the Eva. We didn't know if the Angel could somehow sense the energy, so we had to take every precaution.

"Are the tanks in position?" Misato asked.

"Standing by," Maya replied.

"BEGIN OPERATION YASHIMA!" Misato yelled.

From my sniping position, I couldn't see the Angel, just a rough outline on my headset to help with my attack. I could, however, hear the blasts of the cannons. It was deafening. Blast after blast went off in rapid succession.

"We've got high energy readings coming from the target!" Maya said.

"Good…it's taking the bait!" Misato said, triumphantly.

From the viewscreen, I saw that the Angel was no longer in its pyramid shape. It had changed into a wheel of thin prisms with tall, thin diamonds at the end of each "spoke," and a smaller version of itself in the middle. It spun rapidly, and I heard explosions. I assumed that it was making short work of the JSSDF's equipment.

"More taxpayers' money, wasted…" Hyuga lamented.

"It's shifting again!" Maya announced.

After a second, it shifted again, and appeared as three large squares in a triangle pattern, with the same smaller version of itself in the center. Three long diamond-shapes extended from its center. I heard an explosion in the distance. It turned in another direction, and I heard another explosion.

_It's brilliant…it's completely distracted. But jeez, this thing is tough! All that artillery, and it's just made it angry!_

I heard a series of blasts, and the Angel shifted again, into an octagonal prism-shape, to block the blasts, I assumed. It then changed again, into the form of the floating squares, with the core in the center.

_It's exposed!_

"SHINJI-KUN! NOW!" Misato screamed.

_Please, finish it…_

I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger.

_Please, God…_

A deafening explosion filled my ears, and the viewscreen was obscured by blue light.

_Come on, come on…_

"Impact confirmed! The target's core was pierced!" Hyuga exclaimed happily.

"Yes!" I exclaimed.

_Phew…Ayanami didn't have to do anything…_

I leaned back in the Entry Plug, and sighed happily. It was over.

"Wait!" Maya yelled, shocked.

I jumped up immediately.

_Please, no…_

"High energy readings detected coming from the target!"

_Damnit!_

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Misato screamed.

"It's…still alive! And…it appears to be very angry with us," Maya said, deflated.

This was a fair observation. It had changed form again. This time, it turned into a series of steadily-larger many pointed stars, with the core in the center. It was a frightening shape compared to its others. It definitely gave off the appearance of anger.

"The readings are growing! It's going to fire!"

It changed again, into three five-pointed stars stacked on one another. A bright light enveloped my field of vision. I heard a rumbling and crashing, and the sound of falling rocks. The force of the blast blew me backwards, and my head crashed against the back of the seat. I felt rock and stone crumble under me; I had landed on a section of the base.

"Urk…"

I was dizzy, and the viewscreen was blurry due to the impact. I felt an intense pain in the back of my head.

"Shinji-kun, are you alright? SHINJI-KUN!" Misato screamed.

"I'm…I'm OK, Misato-san."

An operator's voice blared urgently over the speakers.

"The enemy's drill has broken into the Geo-Front!"

"Shinji-kun, hurry, get up!" Misato screamed.

_My God, that Angel is more powerful that I ever could have thought…it didn't even hit me, and I was blown back that far! We hit its core directly…how is it still alive?_

My eyes slowly re-adjusted as my viewscreen came back into focus. I surveyed my surroundings, and saw that the base was in ruins. The small trailer that acted as command center was unharmed, but everything else was destroyed. I searched for the positron rifle, and saw, dismayed, that its emplacement was destroyed. It was perched precariously on the remains of its base, but it would not shoot straight if I tried to fire from the base. I would have to pick it up and fire the old-fashioned way.

"Misato-san…I don't think I can do this…"

"Shinji-kun…" Misato's voice came in, softly.

"Please, believe in yourself," she implored.

_Believe…in myself? What is there to believe in? I'm pathetic! A loser!_

"I…I believe in you. We all do."

_How can you? I'm…I'm…_

"Shinji-kun." Her voice dropped to a serious tone.

"Yes?"

"We're going to give you Japan's energy one last time. Our hopes. Humanity's future. All life, everywhere. Please, save us all. Do your best."

_She…really does believe in me. I can't let them down. I mustn't…no…I WON'T run away._

I reached with my throbbing arms towards the controls. I grasped them tightly, fingers digging into my palm.

"Yes."

I dropped to an army crawl and slowly moved forward, inching my way to the rifle, praying that the Angel wouldn't notice me. My eyes were fixated on it. I moved as fast as I possibly could. As soon as I reached the rifle, I stood up, and moved to pick it up.

"Shinji-kun, you can't fire yet! The rifle's fuse needs to be replaced!"

_Crap…_

I pulled back to open the chamber, and the old fuse popped out, and was replaced by a new one. I pushed forward, and it clicked into place. The gun began to hum with electricity once again.

"Replacing fuses! Initiating recharge!" Hyuga said.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Barrel cooling in progress!" Maya said.

_Hurry, hurry…_

"Another high energy reading coming from the target!"

"Oh, no!" Misato screamed.

I closed my eyes and braced for impact, knowing I couldn't possibly dodge. This would be it. I failed them. I just waited for the end.

"SHINJI-KUN!"

_Dammit, I was too slow…I knew it. I failed._

I waited for another second, but oddly, the impact never came. Curious, I opened my eyes, and saw a kneeling figure standing in front of me with a shield. It was Rei in Unit 00, protecting me.

"Ayanami!"

_Come on…_

"The shield won't last!" Ritsuko cried.

"Aren't we ready yet?" Misato yelled.

"Twenty more seconds!" Hyuga replied urgently.

I picked up the weapon, and began to take aim, to minimize the risk to Ayanami. I clenched my teeth. Sweat trickled down my brow. My body tingled from the adrenalin; just having to sit and wait infuriated me.

_Hurry up…_

"HURRY UP!"

The crosshairs converged on the target; the computer beeped loudly. I immediately smashed down on the trigger and fired. The beam hit it directly in the center.

"YES!" Misato exclaimed happily.

The Angel returned to its original form briefly, before shifting once again into the enormous series of many-pointed starts, and then falling apart. It was over.

_Thank God…_

I suddenly heard another crash next to me. I looked up, and saw the melted figure of Unit 00 fall to the ground, barely recognizable.

"AYANAMI!"

I hurried to her side, and attempted to rip the Entry Plug from its back, but it was fused to the inside. I grimaced in fear, and quickly withdrew my progressive knife and cut the Entry Plug out of her Eva.

_Please be OK, please be OK, please be OK…_

I hurriedly ejected my own plug and dashed to hers, praying for her safety. I ran to the emergency door and grabbed the hatch door lever, and began to pull it open, barely noticing the intense pain from the superheated doors. The door was stuck in place, but I pulled as hard as I could.

_Come on, come on, OPEN, DAMMIT!_

I finally succeeded in pulling the door open, and immediately looked inside, worry etched all over my face.

"Ayanami!" I screamed, "Are you all right?!"

She was lying in her seat, eyes closed, face paler than normal. There was no visible injury, although remembering the intense pain when I was hit by the Angel's attack just doubled my worries.

"AYANAMI!"

She stirred, and my face lit up. Her red eyes began to open, slowly. She looked up, and stared at me. Recognition slowly slid over her face.

I climbed further inside the plug, so I could look at her directly in the face. Tears welled up in my eyes, I was so happy to see that she was OK.

_Thank you, oh God, thank you._

"Don't say…" I began slowly, "Don't say you have nothing else."

I swear I saw sadness come over her face.

"Don't say goodbye when you leave on a mission. It's too sad!"

The tears began to flow freely, so I turned away. I sobbed harder than I ever had before.

She sat up, and looked at me, confused.

"Why are you crying?" she asked.

I couldn't respond; I was too overcome with emotion.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to do at a time like this…"

I looked up at her again, still crying.

"You can just smile."

She turned to look at me, and for the first time, real emotion showed on her face. Her mouth slowly twisted into a warm smile. We just sat there, staring at each other. And I knew, moreso than ever before, that I was, for the first time, not alone.

_**つづく...**_

_Fly me to the moon_

_And let me play among the stars_

_Let me see what spring is like_

_On Jupiter and Mars_

_In other words_

_Hold my hand_

_In other words_

_Darling, kiss me_

_Fill my heart with song_

_And let me sing forever more_

_You are all I long for_

_All I worship and adore_

_In other words_

_Please be true_

_In other words_

_I love you_


	14. Acknowledgements, Preview, and a Treat

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

To Hideaki Anno and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, for creating this incredible series

To ADV, for licensing it, and releasing the platinum set

To Reichu, and Eva Monkey for creating the first place I shared this with

To Reichu, specifically, for putting up with random babble about my plot that I was trying to make sure was plausible

To Ornette, for his timestamps

To LittleKuriboh, for doing a Cruel Angel's Thesis parody in Episode 9 of his parody series, thus introducing me to NGE

To UrsusArctos, for helping me clarify a bunch of Rebuild points

To Ironfoot, for his help with the Lilith scene

To Wevangeliwon for being one of the first to read it

To Smith for all the compliments

And an enormous thank-you to Sailor Star Dust, for all of her help and encouragement. I couldn't have done it nearly this well without you. A/S forever!

(And to anyone else I forgot, message me and I'll add you to the list!)

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NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW:

Shinji-kun has finally found a home at Nerv, and friends.

He has begun to settle into his new life as an Eva Pilot.

But he still has trouble believing in himself.

And when the stakes begin to ramp up, and his self-image is further damaged

Will the arrival of the hot-blooded German redhead and Eva-02 shake Shinji out of his dream?

Or will the coming storm become too much for Shinji-kun?

NEXT TIME: ヱヴァンゲリヲン新劇場版：破

2.0 YOU ARE (NOT) WORTHLESS

And there'll be lots more fanservice!

------

Teaser:

I awoke to blackness.

_So it begins…_

I opened my eyes slowly, and realized that the blackness was dotted with white. It was the night sky. I stood up slowly. I was slightly groggy; it felt like it had been a long time since I had stood up. I pushed my silvery-gray hair out of my eyes, and began to survey my surroundings.

I was on the moon, first of all. I didn't remember being on the moon, but I supposed it was to be expected. This was THEIR operation, after all. And this was the most logical place for it. I had awoken in a sort of coffin, jet black and uniform. Behind me, there were a series of many rows of similar coffins, against the backdrop of the Earth, with its bright red oceans and white clouds. It was quite beautiful, really. I stood upon a large stain of red, which extended along the middle of the rows. In front of me most striking feature of the landscape; a large pit in which lay a giant of white. Its face was covered by a purple mask with THEIR crest on it, and its body was completely white, with no visible legs. Its skin appeared to be sewn on, and badly at that; it seemed as if it could come off at any time. Scaffolding and equipment covered the edges of the pit; it was obvious that the Lilin were doing something to it, and I had a fair idea as to what, as well.

_Their project is moving quickly…_

I heard a sound behind me, and turned to see a large black monolith floating behind me. The word "SEELE" was printed on it, in red, inside of a shield surrounded by seven eyes and two snakes twisted around each other. Below it, the number 01 was printed, also in red, above the words SOUND ONLY. It was the Chairman's preferred method of communication.

"I see you have awakened," the Chairman said, his voice obscured by technology.

"Yes, it is good to be awake once again."

"Our plan has proceeded quite nicely."

"Has it?" I paused, before continuing.

"Well then, it is time to move forward."

"I know. The boy has awakened, and the generalization phase has started," he said.

"Concerning the Dead Sea Scrolls, they have become the Commandments. The time of our contract is near."

_Finally._

The monolith disappeared, and I turned to face the Earth.

"So, Number Three again, huh? You still haven't changed. I'm looking forward to meeting you, Ikari Shinji-kun."


End file.
